easier than love.

:)

2008-07-25T23:07:00.003+08:00

come home.

2008-07-08T21:59:00.004+08:00

hmm jer read out some health tips to take which are, in fact quite hard to follow in a daily routine but have been proven scientifically to improve people's health!
well i don't know why but i've been following them for the past few days,
disclaimer: they don't have any obvious effects on the body like what i believed in the 1st place,(no you won't grow wings) but it would probably make you a much healthier person!
here are some of the few i can remember:
1) drink around 640ml of water every morning before brushing your teeth
2) after brushing your teeth, wait for around 45 minutes before consuming your breakfast.
3) drink more water during the day than in the night.
4) avoid drinking cold drinks during meals.
5) after eating any meal, try not to eat or drink within 2 hours of it.
6) avoid eating oily food.
7) the best sleeping time is from 2200 to 0600
8) beans are probably the healthiest food cos it can help to lower the chances of contracting almost all the common diseases. (though i hate them)
....these are just some which i can remember, haha i challenge you guys reading this to follow it for maybe a week or two.
YES obviously if you are expecting all your fats to drain out from your skin(yucks) miraculously or waking one morning having the perfect abs then don't follow it cos you would most probably be pissed at these tips and go on a food spree.
but well just try out at least 4 of these 8 tips people and tell me how it was..
it's for our health in the long run so i'm just trying to be disciplined and all since statistics show that ONE OUT OF FOUR of people in the world would contract cancer.
that means every four of you reading this, one of you would get that dreaded disease (IT'S SO BLOODY SCARY RIGHT?)

speaking of health stuffs,
we were just discussing about smoking today,
i'm just proud that all 18 of us FEP trainees don't smoke (WOOHOO!)
okay we were more like trying to convince eugene to quit smoking,
apparently he started during sec 2 but can't stop.
he said he can control as he stopped for 9 months once!
we kept trying to tell him it's unhealthy and shit but he doesnt want to.
on a more joking tone, i told the guys that those disgusting pictures of diseases and shit on the cigarette boxes don't even deter people one bit from smoking, IN FACT,
we believe that in the future, there will be no more cigarette brands,
people will buy them by telling the cashiers "hey can i have the Deformed Baby?" or "give me a pack of Bleeding Brains", "uncle ar, Black Lungs please."
but i'm just damn glad that henry, jun han, dennis and i (so far) are really against smoking and they would even go to the lengths of quitting their job in the future if they were to be given a choice between smoking to please a customer or losing their job.
i'm very surprised that there are quite a few more people in the world who really shares the same mindset as me.
i'm even more surprised that some people just smoke for fun. can't believe it actually.

woah it's been quite a long time since i've blogged for so long without boring myself,
well maybe it's just the sudden inspiration that people just go so abruptly today now it really scares the crap out of me.
not that i'm afraid of going, it's more like the fear of seeing people around you leaving which hurts beyond any pain.
just take care of yourselves people,
TRY to eat healthy and exercise regularly please.
okay i sound like some health advisor.
haha. goodnight people.

booya.

2008-07-06T22:40:00.002+08:00

well it wasnt that bad after all.
in fact it was great.
went to singapore flyer today with jer for the first time(at first was very reluctant)
the trip there was terrible,
singapore being singapore, it was humid as hell and just walking for 5minutes in the open anyone with proper working sweat glands will have their back full of perspiration.
must be global warming damnit.
the tickets wrote 6pm so we bloody rushed all the way down,
walked(more like strided) all the way from city hall mrt till i was almost drenched in sweat.
fortunately the greatest invention, we all know it's air con, helped alot.

great views, at a spetacular heights
and it didn't even seem like it was 30min, it was shorter,
cos of the constant photograph taking i guess.
well at first i thought i could find my house from there but i realised it was just a large ferris wheel not some observation tower or whatnot.

hungry man = angry man.
didnt have enough money for POPEYE's and stupid singapoer flyer had no ATM machines(wth?)
so had to go to marina square to eat, BUT MARINA SQUARE HAS NO ATM MACHINES EITHER.
(atm machines refer to POSB/DBS ones)
so grumbled all the way to raffles city to eat thai express and mos burger(yes both of us eat alot MUAAHA)
and now i'm back.
boring myself away with blogging.
also realising that i'm actually talking to myself.
ok that's dumb.
i'm off guys,
goodnight.

p.s. ALMOST DONE LEARNING the painstaking dance. *chants to myself* isolation, isolation, isolation....

hehh. =P

2008-07-03T21:18:00.002+08:00

wow it's amazing to see how long i haven't been blogging for and it's scary.
it's really getting dusty around here.
anyway the ORANGEY ugly tagboard was due to some failed experiment and as usual, i'm lazy to change back the colour - see my mood 1st la, unless you all like it.

recently i've been juggling the decisions in my mind whether i should go for the pilot thing or just finish with army and further my studies in psychology.
both are equally hard, obviously, as the future cant be predicted and i don't know which one would be better for me if i were to choose either.
well i got around 2 plus more months to think through;
BUT I MIGHT NOT EVEN GET IT!
arghh cos i just did my compass test today and compared it with my cousin's one and ours were kinda the same, which is a bad thing actually cos he failed. FAILED LEH.
if i fail, then i wont have any decisions to make already actually. haha that's stupid. -.-
if only i had a crystal ball now.

well i should just enjoy my life there since it's a stay-out course(IT'S NOT EVEN A COURSE!)
keep my fitness level up, play some soccer, rack my brains with sudoku and many many modifications of it, read more books etc.
grahh.
if only this vocation was made for the lucky ones like us - but it's for the entire 2 years, woah how great life would be. BUT I SHOULD STOP DREAMING. *smacks myself awake*
alright before i bore myself again for the thousandth time and decide to close this browser and create a blog post in my mind again, i will stop here. hehh.
AT LEAST I MADE THE EFFORT TO BLOG RIGHT?

p.s. i'm picking up dance again. from our neighbourhood friend, YouTube!

2007-12-04T23:51:00.000+08:00

okay so i've been a major lazy pig and haven't been updating at all ever since A's ended.
yes alright i'm lag! but A'S ENDED!!! whoooo!!!

the end of A's mark the beginning of new fun! and i can safely proclaim i'm going to dump my books into the fire, or maybe do a better deed and benefit others by passing them my useful notes. not to worry, i won't mention to them that i often sleep through lectures and tutorials!

had been busying with grad night band performance. which is finally over.
although it might not have turned out the way it should be, grad night is memorable.
say bye to red blazers!

my life's been just without books, and more with people. but i like.

i'm an emo kid.
i'm absolutely spastic.
i'm a 10-year-old.
i'm weird. very very very weird.

eff-ing A's

2007-11-13T19:09:00.000+08:00

i know it's too late to lament but still i got to get it off me.
stupid A levels and new syllabus.
screw off.
though it's gonna be over soon but damnit stupid bad feeling.
thoughts of 'what if i don't do well?' keep popping in my mind.
I KNOW IT'S TOO LATE LA YOU PEOPLE READING THIS.
just bloody pissed with cambridge and their weird ways of screwing with your minds and emotions.
argh what the hell.
ECONS NOW. econs econs econs. -.-

pieces.

2007-10-21T00:04:00.000+08:00

sigh
the feeling of helplessness sucks
especially when it happens so often.
feel that overthinking is a need,
if i don't i feel i'm the one to blame when something's wrong.
it's just,
just so unexplainable.

well i can't explain why it's not enough
i gave my all to you.
oh i can't explain, please don't misunderstand how i feel
cause i've tried, i've tried hard.
but still i don't know why,
no i don't know why

spin

2007-10-20T00:13:00.000+08:00

wow A's approaching faster than a speeding bullet.
life's revolving mainly around
-time with tic =)
-studying with ben (or at least try)
-abit of TV
-abit of computer
-a stare-off with my notes and me
-laughing till i drop on the floor with the most imaginative stuffs (RMTA)
-awaiting for 20th nov when i can burn all my books away muahahah

i wish i had more time! then i can do so much stuffs i want and need and not cause any disappointment (sigh)
wenhao i'm not a caveman. i'm maybe a lion who stays in a cave, but definitely not a caveman.

"don't give up on me yet,
don't forget who i am.
i know i'm not there yet,
but don't let me stay here alone."

waved.

2007-10-07T01:04:00.000+08:00

ahhh i must constantly remind myself that this whole thing is a wave, going up and down.
having its ups and downs.
and clown, whoever you are, i won't cut myself. haha.
yay. tuesday was just wonderful.
more of those days please. =)

ahhh time flies.
got back prelim results already, won't say did badly cos i did improve but compared (I DON'T LIKE TO COMPARE) to the general public i didnt do that well,
BUT WHO CARES, A levels the most important after all.
must must must chiong. i hope.

hehh i updated cos of TIC.
ask me not to leave my post as such a emo post.
sooo this post should sound a little better.
cos i'm happier! much more happier.
why...everytime there's something i must post an emo post.
i don't know too actually.

ahh well.
night's not that young anymore i'm going to sleep!
g'night peopleee.

unknown.

2007-09-29T01:40:00.000+08:00

feeling down all over again.
it's not just some normal down.
i'm really broken.
yea so what if this is an emo post, you don't like it don't read it.
i'm just posting here cos didn't wanna bother ben cos he's sleeping already.
i feel like i'm thrown from a building to the ground,
brought up to the top level again and thrown down again.
can't stop you if you're feeling that way, even deleted my tag?

anyway no one comes to this blog anymore.
i really don't know.
if only i could just stop my heart from beating every once in a while.
and i really can't sleep now.
just keep thinking about it.
so yea whatever la.

don't really feel like saying anything much just needed something to talk to.
though i don't feel any better, it's better than not doing this.
i'm just gonna stare at my wall for the rest of the night i reckon.

stupid world.

ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself
ihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyselfihatemyself

thunder

2007-09-24T16:29:00.000+08:00

woah i've finally stepped out of my laziness and alas begin my update for a new post.
NO, my blog is not dead wenhao it's just that i'm just too darn lazy to update.
thanks to those who posted random tags to keep my blog alive.

prelims already over, it's too soon!
and after that A levels already wth.
guess time really flies, even when you're not having fun.
ah well, MUST REALLY START STUDYING NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

well life's picking up.
good things happening > bad things happening
(BEN DON'T COME OVER AND PROCLIAM "NERRDDDD") hehh

dang i'm kinda bored of blogging already.
wanted to lament about delinquents who make a whole lot of noise in the bus and annoy everyone in it such that i felt like killing them, or gays in a concert sitting in front of me almost lying one each other's shoulders which totally irk you out.
go figure.

well 4 days of slacking already, so i must begin to pick my work up too.
talk to you guys soon.

you'll always be my thunder.

2007-08-23T00:13:00.000+08:00

i think that i should just go shoot myself right now.
too many things piling up on me.
everything's taking its toll.
family, work...the list goes on...

i don't know if i can take it anymore.
slighted feeling everyday.
NOW again a something crops out which you totally don't want to tell and again i'm hidden from the dark.
this time i don't know what it is, how serious it is.
i'm falling apart from this point.

i'm breaking apart.
someone drown me.
people only HEAR me, when i say something they will just nod their head, say okay, then mention another thing when i'm trying to put my point across.
my so-called friends.
fine, dont take me seriously at least tell me you dont want to listen to my yanks, tell me i'm too noisy.
Ben's been there for me, although not physically but everytime i've got something to rant at least he'll listen.

it totally kills me.
i said i can wait and i would.
deep down inside you know i'm dying to know.
even avoiding me now, i really have no idea why.

argh what the hell.
it's no use ranting here anyway,
it's just like another of my 'friend',
at least this thing won't change the topic.
it'll just absorb my bullshit.
i dont need another person claiming to be a friend.
i'll just sit in silence from now on and shush.

shut up world if you don't have anything useful to say to me.

fashioning an idea.

2007-08-18T00:06:00.001+08:00

wah I WONDER WHO those people on my tagboard are.
wahahaha.
but still thanks for tagging. =P
at least it kinda revived my tagboard, temporarily.

school sucks.
arghhh.
i dont wanna go to school anymore.
yawnnnn.

one week past already, wth.
i cant believe time is flying this fast.
i dont wanna take prelims! haha.
life's quite fine now, except for the notes flooding all over my table.

EPL's on sunday.
cant wait though haha.
talk to you guys soon.

ps. TAG MY BLOG IF U'RE ON THIS PAGE! thank you.

2007-08-15T18:57:00.001+08:00

where did i go wrong.
it's me. yet you say it's not.
i don't know what did i do to make you think whatever you are again.

=(

hurry up and wait.

2007-08-12T21:35:00.000+08:00

hopping by for a quick update,
things that have been revolving in my life right now:

chemistry
physics
econs
maths
GP
computer
more chem, physics, econs and maths and GP
EPL's new season
addictive american shows
friends
family
and not forgetting..
JAWJ ;D

yawn. lazy me.
needs to study more.
cya soon people!

rough draft.

2007-08-06T19:34:00.000+08:00

tired.
low.
moodless.

i feel useless all of the sudden.
invisible too.

me&you.

2007-08-05T14:40:00.000+08:00

wow time really flies.
my last update was daetd 16th july,
even with a spoilt computer, ben's frequency of updates is even more than mine -.-

been drowning myself in notes and work,
till the point i kinda forgot how to play soccer properly - ouch.
well i still feel that i'm not really motivated enough,
so guess i should really work harder everyday to ace my prelims.
my posts are getting shorter and shorter.
ahhhh this blog is going to die.
people please help to keep it alive! =) thanks.

new epl season's starting soon too.
the new boys looking fresh in the pre-season friendlies, new stadium plans out, rafa grew a cool goatie to scare the other managers,
everything about it is fine EXCEPT for the fact that starhub is so greedy they wanna take another extra 15 bucks out of our pockets by adding a NEW channel for epl. what's the damn difference starhub? bloody greedy greedy starhub. tsk.

hmm i wonder whether this is part of the process,
i know it is and we'll get through it.
i'll wait, the rest is up to you.
don't worry cos you've got me.

i want you to know.

2007-07-16T23:50:00.000+08:00

alritey, taking a break to update a little.
if not this blog will be dead in no time.

THURSDAY was a wonderful day,
a hugeeeee load was lifted,
get lost stormy seas and make way for the calm waters!
okay though there are much more things ahead,
they'll be great, i reckon.
dont mind the last post, i think i got possessed by the 'overthinking ghost' or something.

ahhhh.
lack of inspiration to post.
maybe my brain juice's been sucked dry by the tortorous chem and physics.
i've never been this diligent.
wow.

will you stay awake for me?
i don't wanna miss anything,
i don't wanna miss anything.
i will share the air i breathe;
i'll give you my heart on a string,
i just don't wanna miss anything.

i know i would ;D

disarray

2007-07-12T00:06:00.000+08:00

i had better update now lest the blog becomes really dead and no one visits this forever.
shall make this a short one though.

why must it always be this way?
whenever i finally feel like i'm getting hope back, some things would just happen and take my optimism away.
i just feel confused; i feel like i've lost track of everything, like someone pressing on the restart button.
i feel terrible; so worried that it'd be replayed and i'd fall.
head spinning; then why must it go on? my mind's thrown into utter chaos again.
i just feel that some things cant be concealed for too long.
hope and i just arent meant to be friends, i'm beginning to lose hope all over again.
please, if none of this is true then stop it, i'm vulnerable, i'm only human.
don't say or do for the sake of it; mean it, if not do nothing at all.

i want to close my eyes and just pretend i didn't see anything;
then none of these negative thoughts would flow in.
but i can't, i just can't help but think now.
thinking what has been happening for the past few weeks,
is it just me? or is there really nothing at all to begin with?
then why do i feel that it's gonna repeat again.

mess.
someone tell me what's going on before i do something stupid again.
please.

ALIVE! with the glory of love.

2007-06-01T16:52:00.000+08:00

alrightey,
just for the sake of wenhao and ale,
i shall update after such a long time cause apparently they're sick of RED.
YES ARISTAL is over, but i'm kinda suffering from post-Aristal blues.
apparently i realised that after StreetFest there would not be anymore dance for me, till probably after A Levels.
oh ohh thanks to those who came down to watch Aristal, really appreciate it!
thanks for the flowers, though many of them are dried up already (except for yours Mary!)
i MIGHT post pictures of Aristal(I HOPE I DO, cause usually when i say i will i might not eventually)
yes yes i hope i get my lazy self to post wonderful pics of aristal.

and i'm kinda happy that our streetfest dance item is almost completed,
left only with the formations and transitions and bits and pieces,
apart from that, it's quite cool i think. (HAHA don't mean to ego, okay actually i meant it)
i hope that it'd be a nice item after it's completed.

i'm beginning to feel lazy,
and i fear (OR YOU READING IT MIGHT FEAR) that if i continue i would start typing emo-ish stuffs,
yes yes once again before i leave i shall place beautiful song lyrics by jon mclaughlin

It's you to me - your gentle face, overdue, but worth the wait
Out of my reach but I'm reaching out for you
Me to the night - I say goodbye,
The time is up, fight the time
A needed award I can't afford it, a finished song, one more chord

It's already in my mind
I'm in over my head inside
It's already in my mind, inside

Everyone back my heart's at war with all these plans I had before
I'm losing my grip but I'd lose it all for you
I go driving all around and I'm denying all these sounds that hit my ear
Drum the beat of a heart I can't defeat.

seeing red.

2007-05-24T05:04:00.000+08:00

terrible way to end a great day.

it should have been RED.

people.

2007-05-20T00:22:00.000+08:00

alright,
shall stop by for a quick update 'cause i havent been blogging for quite a long time.
ARISTAL's coming, can't wait.
holidays are here, woohoo.
and most importantly i've moved on.

it's quite funny how so many things can happen over a short period of time,
and it affects not only me but people all around me.
i'm so shocked by the intensity and seriousness of it i can't comment on anything.
it shall be solved soon, i hope, without any disastrous outcome.

"Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight
The future's open wide beyond believing
To know why hope dies
Losing what was found, a world so hollow
Suspended in a compromise
The silence of this sound is soon to follow
Somehow sundown

And finding answers is forgetting all of the questions we call home
Passing the graves of the unknown

Reason clouds my eyes, with splendor fading
Illusions of the sunlight
A reflection of a lie will keep me waiting
With love gone for so long
And this day's ending is the proof of time killing all the faith I know
Knowing that faith is all that I hold

Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding
Fall into your sunlight"

human

2007-05-11T23:32:00.000+08:00

Can you tell me how we got in this situation?
I can’t seem to get you off my mind
All these ups and downs
They trip up our good intentions
Nobody said this was easy, right?

After all, we’re only human
Always fighting what we’re feeling
Hurting, instead of healing
After all, we’re only human
Is there any other reason why we
Stay instead of leaving, after all?

Can we get back to the point of this conversation
When we saw things through each other’s eyes
‘Cause now all I see is ruin and devastation
Well, it’s someplace we can hide inside

I’m smart enough to know that life goes by
And it leaves a trail of broken bones behind
If you feel I’m letting go, just give me time
I’ll come running to your side
Can you tell me how we got in this situation?
I can’t seem to get you off my mind

‘Cause after all, we’re only human
Always fighting what we’re feeling
Hurting, instead of healing
After all, we’re only human
Is there any other reason why we
Stay instead of leaving, after all?

2007-05-09T17:28:00.000+08:00

alright! 'nuff with the excuses, whether or not blog is screwed up again, i'm still going to post.
yes sorry for taking such a long time to post, mostly because i've been lazy, but still at least i'm making the effort to do so now!
thanks to those who constantly kept my blog alive, i really appreciate it.
it's been a particularly hectic week of dancing, working and THINKING.
i can't even really prioritise which ones goes first.
sorry to those whom i scared that day (FRIDAY), during streetfest practice; didn't really expected myself to lose my head, been kind of impatient that day.
i think it's best that i thank my friends who constantly kept me going, especially ben, zhang, wenhao and ale who always have to keep up with my anger and frustrations.
they must be the most patient people in the world, well at least to me.

and i wonder how i got so injury-prone recently.
just within a few days, i could have broke a bone or lost the ability to permanently dance, however, i've been so damned lucky to escape with no more than some bruises and traumas.
NOW i've fallen ill again, wth man, down with a bad nose and body full of aches.
yesterday i felt like i was made of jelly,
i knew i couldn't go full-out, and i didn't.
but still i couldn't even mark out the steps properly. DAMNIT.
haven't felt like this since who knows when, 'cause i don't even bloody remember.
to all the dancers, thank you for constantly reminding me to drink loads of water and have rest, i've been doing that alot today.

it's hard to view something on another perspective, especially when you know that that thing is true which you want to avoid so much.
but i just had to, in order to get myself out of it such that i won't get mindless thoughts over it again.
i've been particularly frustrated and down over it, which contributes to why i've been a much more short-tempered person than usual.
to keep my mind off it is to avoid the it, yet to think about is just as equally worse.
the best(only) thing i could do was take and accept the truth with full force; and i did just that.
painfully but surely, i came to a self-realisation that sometimes i have to loosen my grip over things i know i cannot control.
as i would like to put the situation in scenarios, it's like i'm lying out in the winter for so long, shivering from the cold without much protection from the bitterness, and i can't do anything about it, yet there's someone who would constantly just check whether i'm dead already or not and just leaving if i'm not.
but i know i have to accept that if i close my eyes and just don't think about the coldness, i would be okay as there would be someone or something to come by give me shelter.
just exactly how i should also accept that looking into a pair of eyes which seem to avoid the past, i must also bury the past yet not look into the future.
ironic as it sounds, i know i'll be okay, but i'm not being optimistic either.

g'day to all.
seeya soon.

Can you please, remind me how you feel?
This emptiness is real, I can't bear the thought of it.
and please, remind me how to smile, I lost track after awhile.
Is happiness so hard to get?

I didn't know, that time could move so slow,
when you've got nowhere to go, the silence is so deafening.
Waking up, on the wrong side of your mind.
How could I have been so blind, to see I'm losing everything?

take tomorrow.

2007-04-25T23:27:00.000+08:00

Dance.
such a complex thing;
it's more than just techniques, actions, or multiple counts of eights.
it expresses happiness, liveliness, youth, energy, sorrow, grief, anger and thousand other expressions.
it helps to vend your bad feelings away,
diverts all negative thoughts into something wonderful.
dance,
such a beautiful thing.

To IPSYF girls:
all of you were beautiful and extraordinary, watching from backstage, the feel of every movement was there, enticing me as the dance progressed. i'm amazed that all of you matured as one, stuck together, sweat together, cried together, most importantly, danced together. you have come a long way, the journey's just about to start, after SYF there's so much more to dance than just torturous stretching and continuous dance drills. Yet take what the results are given to you, cherish it and remember it forever, then look to the future 'cause it's bright. you girls are the perfect example to how bonding can make dreams come true, if you believe. well done.

To Ballet SYF:
oh how all of you endured the grueling months of verbal and physical abuse; but i know that all of you managed to believe in it eventually. i'm not in it so i cannot comment neither am i in a position to say how your situation was, but i hope that this acts as an endurance test for each and every one of you. as what i've stated earlier, no matter what the results are, you know that you did what you could on stage and there's no turning back time. in my eyes, at least, not being biased or anything, all of you did a magnificent job despite complains about not giving your best but since i'm not the only one that thinks so, well, you got to leave it to the general population who thought you were great too. SYF's over, we have new dances to complete so let's get on with the next one and give it our all. you guys + girls rock.

ahh well today was a good day.
and time just came and went,
and SYF's already over.
then we went to Fish&Co. to celebrate, with mr. ho treating.
after that, everyone got kinda high and the guest band started playing songs.
so this guy got invited on stage at first to sing a song,
then ale realised that she could actually sabotage me into singing a song for everyone too so she grabbed a tissue, wrote my name down and passed it to the waiter who then passed it to the guest band.
and before i knew it, i was on stage,
with some guy's acoustic guitar in my hands, the mic in front of me,
and around 50 plus people looking(more like staring) at me.
then did Collide, as usual, screwed up a few parts but still ended it calmly but stormed off the stage hurriedly.
i must say, it was kinda fun being on stage singing to total stranges and of course the WD people.
it was a magical moment.

okay not sleeping tonight,
there's LIVERPOOL v chelsea.
but i'm off.
night world!

when it comes.

2007-04-22T22:38:00.000+08:00

yes i'm going to update today,
and YES i got to drink HAPPY SODA today,
NOT ONE, BUT TWO MUGS FULL OF IT. (<<<< CHECK IT)
twice the delight!
HOWEVER, oyster mee sua sucked today 'cause apparently someone took a truck load of chili and threw it into the bowl as if we're doing some chili rationing.

okay tomorrow's IP SYF,
i just wanna shout out to all of you:
GOOD LUCK, GET OUT THERE AND KICK SOME ASS!
ok i sound really high now, but trust me, i'm not; REALLY.

the JC SYF's on wednesday,
yea, they're going to do great too.
we're going to bring home the bling-bling!

*at this point of posting, i wonder what my blog is becoming, either someone did try to drug me and was successful OR i've lost my sanity due to how f-ed up life is*

life's picking up,
came to a self-realisation, with huge thanks to my twin for always speaking my mind, literally.
since i'm able to think clearly about it,
the more i would be able to get through it.
and sorry to twin too for constantly vending my anger and frustration on poor her.
wow, those words indeed knocked the ruckus out of me,
painful but, helpful.

Maybe it's just me, but you seem finally happy
I don't think I've seen your face just glow like a neon sign
and maybe we should be alone forever after,
'Cause even though the nights are long
at least I'll make it another day

'Cause I can't live if you're not happy
I can't live if you cry,
but I can live without you if it makes you smile
and I can't wait to see you rise
and I can't wait for you to shine
But I can wait for you if all you need is...

Time for you to think things over
Time to talk the drama down
It's not a contest of who'll try harder or who'll cross the finish line

#1 summer jam.

2007-04-20T16:48:00.000+08:00

i had to hear it come out from someone,
i just had to;
'cause i refuse to listen to myself,
and that's what ale did.
told me exactly what i was avoiding in the first place.
thank you.

i havent been sleeping much lately(as usual.)
as a result, i've been sleeping in classes(yes, as usual, again)
it's like ever since i've been to JC,
once i happen to close my eyes for more than, let's say, 2 seconds, i would venture into screensaver mode.
i can't help it either!

ok my posts are getting shorter,
BECAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO POST ABOUT.
i'm off off off off off off.
cya.

my interpretation

2007-04-14T12:57:00.000+08:00

wow it's been almost a week since i posted,
first things first, reply tags! (sorry people if i seemed as if i wasnt around.)

mary: the book's great! though i've been reading it at such a slow pace. haha thanks!
wenhao: thanks wendy! haha.
ben: yea bro, not emo-ing, just saying how i feel.
kara: hey yea i will be okay. and yeap that song's wonderful. you'll be okay too, don't worry.
jerlyn: haha you can call it whatever you like cause people all around are making fun of it already. hmm i'm not a emo person okay. haha. your posts more emo than mine.
michelle: hey mich! yeap i will! haha. you take care alright!

hey guys and girls,
week 4 already.
time flies faster than a speeding bullet.
i must at least start doing my work consistently and hope my econs + physics will improve by the next common test.

streetfest's coming up, real soon.
can't wait to see how the item turns out to be.

hmm nothing much to blog about now,
nothing really interesting happened this week,
yawnn. boring week.
well i guess that's it for this post.
i think you're already bored reading this. =.=

catcha people soon.
cya!

and i.

2007-04-08T22:34:00.000+08:00

i'll be okay, i promise.
i hope.
it takes little to care, and takes alot not to care.
that's what i realised and i don't know/don't care if any of you share the same ideology as i do.
no, i'm not being all torn up and sad inside now.
for now, i think.

how about not feeling numb inside?
how about taking everything off what is happening?
how about just totally forgetting about it?
if the answers are 'sure thing',
then god please strike me with a bolt of lightning (fatal or not it's up to you) the next time there's a thunderstorm.

i guess this is all i've gotta blog about tonight.
goodnight world.

and i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i don't want to make things any worse.
and i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i don't want to make things any worse.

why does tonight, have to end?
why don't we hit restart,
and pause it at our favorite parts?
we'll skip the goodbyes.
if i had it my way,
i'd turn the car around and runaway,
just you and i.

and i don't want to speak these words.
'cause i don't want to make things any worse.

confidence(less)

2007-04-07T16:11:00.000+08:00

Wondering the streets, in a world underneath it all
Nothing seems to be,
nothing tastes as sweet as what I can't have
Like you and the way that you're twisting your hair round your finger
Tonight I'm not afraid to tell you
What I feel about you.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
and cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will

Forgive me if I stutter
From all of the clutter in my head
'Cause I could fall asleep in those eyes like a water bed
Do I seem familiar, I've crossed you in hallways a thousand times,
no more camouflage I want to be exposed,
and not be afraid to fall.

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will

If I could dim the lights in the mall and create a mood
I would
Shout out your name so it echos in every room
I would
That's what I'd do,
That's what I'd do to get through to you

I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
And cannon ball into the water
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
You always want what you can't have
But I've got to try
I'm gonna muster every ounce of confidence I have
For you I will
For you I will
For you I will

After all,
nothing's much been said and done.
this song's just perfect,
yes, it would have been a wonderful dream.
it was a dream, fading away.
screw this, before I die inside again,
i'm off.

everything's gone.

2007-04-06T00:54:00.000+08:00

i lack the mood and inspiration to blog about anything,
moreover i just feel lazy to type things in my mind down.
so i guess i'll just settle for the long-awaited reply tags here then:

ben: don't worry man, your tagboard is equally active too. don't get jealous la, only a few more tags. x)
erika: HEYY yes, Mixtape + Jelly Beans = ? (i'll leave it up to you to decide, but from the tone of your tags, i'm gonna go with pure excitement and high-ness)
avril: yes i won't forget the disturbing taste...
jerlyn: wah you versatile dancer, can do HIPHOP (does actions too) and ballet huh.
ale: =.= shazzup you. haha. tag then tag properly la.
sophia: hey! glad you loved that song! i'm addicted to it as well. haha maybe my taste of music suits your style, so that's why you love them.
wenhao: wendy/howard/pikachu, you think you smack my head you can become cleverer than me? no way okay. =P

i'm off to bed,
i think.
night.

like two ships passing in the night were gone,
only the moon and stars in the sky
did know to cry for me
as i sailed on.

it's not over.

2007-04-01T22:29:00.000+08:00

dang, just realised i haven't bloody posted for a week.
yes yes today's April Fool's Day;
just a shame we don't celebrate it as a festive holiday(it would have been awesome.)
and any pranks played from 12am tonight onwards won't even count as April Fool's joke,
cause well, it's already 2nd of April then.
hmm it's good on one side that April Fool's Day is not an official holiday,
but it sucks that it happens to be on a Sunday where everyone is at home.
what a bloody shame.
alright forget about that;
ME lamenting about April Fool's Day. =.=

okay,
my throat is getting better (FINALLY?)
my nose's still kinda leaky (WHAT THE HELL?)
and i'm always feeling sleepy during lessons.
well at least got myself Jelly Beans,
the craving's been there since 1 month ago.
well all except for licorice flavour.

hmm well as short as this post is (or any post),
i hate to post about what i do during the day,
unless it's something magical or hilarious etc.
today....

is not one of those days. (though i had massive fun. counted? not counted?)
sorry people.
well if i continue blogging in a daily basis my number of posts will eventually overtake Ben's total, which would be one of those days where it is marked for celebration.
and if i continue at this rate, this blog will be dead (it is kinda dead now.) sooner than i think.
OR maybe i can strike a balance, maybe.

You say hello,
Inside I'm screaming I love you
You say goodnight,
In my mind I'm sleeping next to you
You drive away from my car crash of a heart
And I don't know

'Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the bad songs ain't so bad
I just wish there was so much more than that
About me and you

You talk to him,
And it burns me like the sun
You talk to her,
And you say that you feel like he's the one
I talk to me, but you can't hear the pain I feel
You don't know

'Cause you gave me the best mixtape I have
And even all the sad songs ain't so sad
I only wish that there was more than that
About me and you.

mixtape.

2007-03-25T22:12:00.000+08:00

reply tags:
twin: joo pig. haha. 8 slices = 1 pizza you know. stupid sickness really make me lose my bloody appetite.
wenhao: 5 slices damn little. unless you put a whole unagi pizza in front of me, then maybe i'll consider. my throat still feeling fuzzy-wuzzy, argh.
avril: heyy. thanks! =)
rachel: AUNTIE(cause i promised not to call you AHMA.), my nose still flowing non-stop, but better, thanks! and yes the song + vid rocks!
ben: hey man. nah ain't the song writing type. that paragraph means alot to me ok. glad you loved it though. =)

weekend just passed just like that.
a little too fast, dont you think?
got a teeney-weeney part of some work done, at least.

my mind just can't take it, especially when i'm asked "what to do?"
i used to give advices, recently i just lost it.
just somehow repeating my points over and over,
and not making sense,
hence not being of any help to anyone at all.
i really don't know how to explain this,
i'm frustrated; really darn frustrated with myself.
i...don't...know...how...else...to...think...or...feel...anymore...

i do think that this song is tragically sweet.
just randomly listening to my old CDs and happened to really listen to the lyrics of the song.

You and me, we sit and talk of friendship then I ask,
If you can see, if we could be together forever.
I see the light die in your eyes
'cause you're scared you'll hurt
So you don't wanna try.

Well take a chance and come home with me,
you could stay for eternity.
If you try then at least you'll see
Then you'll never regret the things we never did.

You turn to me, I see your eyes
And somehow they cease to shine, you smile at me yet I can see.
You don't think we can make it
You see the light die in my eyes.
'Cause I'm scared to lose you,
I wish you would try.

the road less travelled.

2007-03-24T20:53:00.000+08:00

i'm not a fond fan of walking long routes, especially when it's at night and the road's all desolated;
but still, how i loved this evening's long walk from the bus-stop back to my home.
the cool breeze grazed my hair, while the light was almost perfect, not too dark nor too bright.
mosquitoes and insects didn't bother me either, which was to my favour.
i couldn't resist myself from stopping in my tracks and just breathe in the cool air and enjoy the lush green trees surrounding me.
the sun set beneath the trees not long before i reached the pavement.
of course i managed to snap a couple of pictures of this amazing scenery.
didn't really bother if anyone was behind me looking at a weirdo suddenly halting and taking pictures discreetly, cause it was just wonderful.

damn, i haven't felt this sick since ages.
my throat's killing me, my nose's irritating the hell out of me.
i'm often lethargic, and have no mood to do anything productive.
4 days already argh.
thanks people for your concern, but the bug's really being an ass right now.

went mr. ho's house today for post-danceworks "celebration"(note the quote-unquote) with the crew and some juniors.
stupid sickness spoilt my appetite for everything, only ate 5 slices of pizza.
then we went on to play very lame games like the STONING GAME, 3-PEOPLE DILEMMA, NO-LINK NAME GAME & I NEVER etc.
had a great time laughing and making the whole living room bursting into laughter themselves.
even Ale had a fair share of unglamness; (THAT you ask her yourself)
wooo i'm still laughing twin, HEH.
randomly roamed around IKEA afterward for around 1 hour or so before heading home.
getting exhausted again;
argh, alright.
cya world.

Some unforgettable nights we spent in this light, saying nothing but just gazing into the stars. All these times I silently wished time would just stop and the night would last a long, long time; I silently wished you wished so too. Too bad time seemed to ruin everything. I ain't really got nothing else to say, so just take me away.

all at once.

2007-03-23T22:50:00.000+08:00

okok reply tags first.
erika: hey! yes very, very grassy. but i'm lazy to cut it. haha.
tw: HEY yea it does man. yeap thanks!
huiting: haha thanks chuating! still feeling very sick though. yeap talk to you soon too =)
mich: heyyy NO i'm not sexy at all haha. AND you did not do badly for audits! aiyohh. haha. you can always continue dancing no matter what! don't worry =)

Status: VERY SICK.
argh 3 days already and i'm feeling as crappy as ever.
today woke up with such a bad throat that everytime i try to drink something it would hurt like hell;
ended up deciding not to go to school cause of my condition.
felt tired the whole day,
didn't do anything productive at all. argh.

realised my mind is so prone to overthinking when i'm sick.
but yes i've already moved on.
trying my best not to listen to Secondhand Serenade now.
stick to "All At Once" by The Fray. (repeat this x1000000 times)

argh no mood, no inspiration to blog.
i'm off.
goodnight world.

But now it's over, it's over,
why is it over?
We had the chance to make it
Now it's over, it's over,
it can't be over.
I wish that I could take it back
But it's over.

fall away.

2007-03-22T21:29:00.000+08:00

*sniff*
*blows nose*

No i'm not feeling emo and crying,
i'm just feeling unwell, still.
argh, the feeling sucks.
my throat feels like sandpaper, my nose feels like a tap with plumbing problems;
which causes me to feel damn tired and absolutely no mood to do anything.
taken Lemsip, some crazily bitter Chinese medicine, went to the doctor today and it's still not improving.
just don't want bad thoughts to flow into my mind when it's at its most vulnerable state; it would NOT be good.
just keep myself distracted, yup, that will do.

for all those who think watching Discovery Channel is all nerdy and geeky,
you're all wrong, it's one of the best channels to watch if you have nothing to do,
with all the animals and ghost stories and err, anything that will catch your attention.
anyways if you do have that channel,
go catch this show: I Shouldn't Be Alive.
It's one of the best shows to be aired, it's like 10 action movies packed into one hour of intense/intriguing/exciting almost real-life documentary;
which will keep you rooted to your seat, even if you want to grab a drink desperately,
you would wait till commercials play before rushing off to get one.
well if you don't have that channel,
TOO BAD. (muahahaha, oops sorry can't really think straight with this flu and sore throat.)

realised that being sick sucks,
i will miss quite alot of school, not be able to sing properly, dance properly, eat ALL the food i love etc.
will just stick to the meds and see how it goes for the next couple of days.
i'm off.
bonne nuit.

Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind;
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt,
Much longer for you to sort it out.

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes we'd never know what's wrong without the pain,
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same.

it's over.

2007-03-21T21:57:00.000+08:00

MY NOSE.
ARGH, it just kept flowing today, to a point where i felt like just cutting it off.
had to beg/borrow/steal/rob everyone's tissue cause i didn't bring mine,
but i had no choice, i felt so crappy today.
the bloody nose just has some plumbing problems.
excuse me. *blows nose*
yea, i think i can set the record for the most number of nose-blowing soon, been blowing my nose every 5 minutes today.
damn irritated by it.

it's just magical when songs speak to you, right?
let's say you randomly just listen to a song someone just sent you,
or something you just downloaded,
for the next moment you would be stuck listening to the song for the rest of the day cause the artiste just seems to hit the spot,
exactly how you feel, what you think,
together with the tune, it's just weirdly wonderful.
*blows nose*. sorry, really anti-climax but the bloody nose is killing me.
well i think i might have killed off many trees today, with the rate of me blowing my nose,
it's not my fault.
argh, just wished it would get better.
speaking of songs speaking to you, here is one which did to me today.

Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

But suffice it to say
We're leaving things unsaid
We sing ourselves to sleep
Watching the day lie down instead
And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead

We're both pretty sure
Neither one can tell
We seem difficult
What we got is hard as hell
A hundred thousand words could not quite explain
So I walk you to your car
And we can talk it out in the rain

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead
And we are leaving some things unsaid
I can sing myself to sleep no more

Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

cut it loose.

2007-03-20T20:56:00.000+08:00

Waffles taste great.
Waffles eaten on Tuesday with Wenhao, Ale & Eesha on a cosy sofa in Gelare which are half-priced just talking about everything taste a million times better.

i just came to realised that eating is good;
it's not a scientific thing, it's a personal thing.
i could just stuff my face(okay not that bad) with wonderful treats without feeling guilty or thinking about anything bad.
Today's lunch consisted of unagi + Chippy's Triple C Chicken + Waffles + Oyster Meesua(HEAVENLY) + Shih Lin Chicken + MORE Chippy's Triple C Chicken.
it was all worth it. =D
okay i'm not mad all of the sudden, i'm just hungry and distracting myself that's all.
i won't get fat. heh.

hmm watched Casino Royale, with all the THICK Britishy accent done by Daniel Craig and the not-so-hot Bond girl,
i was trying so darn hard trying to comprehend what in hell they were trying to say.
but overall the movie was great, 'cause of the action scenes and all that gets me so excited HAHA.
i need soccer soon, getting running nose because of soccer fever(nah i'm just crapping.)

haha ben, thanks for welcoming me back to the club.
hard, but just had to.
appreciate it.
wahaha.
alritey shall be concluding this post with this song from me to me.
bonne nuit.

Staring right back in the face
A memory can't be erased
I know, because I tried
Start to feel the emptiness
and everything I'm gonna miss
I know, that I can't hide
All this time is passing by
I think it's time to just move on.

yesterdays.

2007-03-19T23:10:00.000+08:00

damn it!
i knew this was coming,
i could just predict how it would turn out.
just kinda disappointed with myself 'cause i didn't do anything about it to improve it.
I FAILED PHYSICS AGAIN.
then Mr. Ong said, "WAH, get S grade for common test not bad already."
Yes that is if the paper is set based on a University level, haha, he was referring to my standard.
gawwwd i need to buck up soon; still slacking and doing stuffs which are non-academic related.

i don't know what's gotten into me recently,
been eating so much.
just on saturday i nearly bought from every food store from bugis junction.
today, my class was dumbfounded when they saw me going for seconds from the Western Food store after eating from the Yong Tau Foo store.
they looked at me as if i was a freak.
hey hey i'm just very, very famished okay.

hmm if you don't know the top 10 signs on when you know your hair is growing faster than you think,
don't hestitate any further!
go read my previous post. (ok i'm actually quite proud of it.)
night!

it could have been easier than this
if you threw it all away,
what would you miss?
it could have been too much of a chance to take
the silence in your head would have to break,
your grip is slipping faster;
looks like you'll have to face yourself after all.

easier than love.

2007-03-18T14:17:00.000+08:00

HERE are the many signs that you get when you feel that your hair is getting longer:
1) You spend an excessive amount of time trying to style your hair before going out.
2) Shampooing it took much longer than a week ago, or even just yesterday.
3) The fringe regularly causes itches and irritation to the forehead, which occasionally results in a pimple outbreak.
4) You have this natural sudden impulse to dodge the discipline mistress/council teacher when in school.
5) When it rains, you feel that you don't get as wet as you usually do.
6) After vigorous exercises, you feel that your forehead is much sweatier than before, and that your hair tends to droop down.
7) Hard clay + Hair Spray don't usually last more than 6 hours; 3 hours if there are sports/dance.
8) Friends coming up to you and exclaiming with a squeal, "YOUR HAIR LOOKS MORE LIKE GRASS!"
9) You start comparing the length of sideburns with the person next to you, and the person next to him.
10) Last but definitely not least, you tend to ask random people this burning question, "Do you think my hair is long?"

Took part in one of the slackest Amazing Races this morning.
haha, NO it was not boring, it's just that it took the 'race' out of Amazing Race.
the games were kinda fun too, though we did only 3 out of 5 stations.

hmm ignorance is bliss?
that's at least what i had in mind.
not thinking about it makes my mind more at ease.
i don't feel pressurized to do anything about it.

haha randomly bought a pair of brown sunglasses for twin cause she's been dying to have one so that she can 'pose' around the next time she goes town or the beach.

ohh Lifehouse, you've saved my sanity once more.
thank you.
please come to Singapore soon.

I'm a stitch away from making it, but a scar away from falling apart.

stay close..don't go..

2007-03-16T00:11:00.000+08:00

today wasn't a bad day,
then again, i wouldn't say it was a good day either.
went to school for dance,
then proceeded to play 3 whole hours of leg-aching, arm-cramping badminton which totally rocked.
though after that i could feel my arm shaking while i was holding something.
rushed to NUS after that to watch the IP dance teacher Dan's performance.
and the weirdest thing was that i got lost trying to find my way to a certain LT13 among the humongous place, cause i thought my sense of direction was kinda okay.
then i realised that there was no enough tickets, thus i had to sneak in, and i was so darn lucky to be at the right place at the right time where the ushers were not at the doors.
apart from having one of the most awkward times of my life, it still went well.
went to coffeebean at holland V, though i spent most of the time listening then talking.
and yes i'm quite pissed with myself for not taking dinner,
so now my stomach is empty and i'm forced to take anything available in my kitchen.
i'll call it bupper. (the meal between supper and breakfast)
apart from that i'm just telling myself not to think and continue eating.
will stop here coz my fingers are lazy already.
cya.

to ben.

2007-03-13T00:43:00.000+08:00

Ben,
you'll get through whatever hell throws at you dude.
just remember you've got tonnes of people behind you.
don't be brought down by the past but instead look ahead to the future;
it's gonna be bright.
when in need of help, there's Fall Out Boy and 24.
go ahead and give hell the sucker punch.
we'll be with you at the end of tunnel,
there'll be no dead end.

Twenty four oceans
Twenty four skies
Twenty four failures
Twenty four tries
Twenty four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
Twenty four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty four hours ago
Still I'm singing Spirit take me up in arms with You.

broken.

2007-03-12T13:21:00.000+08:00

i find it hard not to think,
but it's not easy thinking about it either.
after all our hearts are not made of diamonds.
"and i'll wait, still" are the thoughts always floating.
but my mind is sinking, slowly.
it's absurd for me to just put this away aside.
i don't need an answer now, just reassurance.
maybe i'm just paranoid, falling short-sighted on what else is going on.
i can't stay being myself at how this is going.
i'm not okay today, at least not now.
maybe i'll be okay by tomorrow, but it just creeps up on me.
i could be insensitive, but that's how i am feeling.
sorry.

wise men say, it looks like rain today
it crackled on the speakers and trickled down the sleepy subway train
heavy eyes could hardly hold us,
aching legs that often told us
it's all worth saying
We all fall in love sometimes
The full moon's bright and starlight filled the evening
We wrote it and I played it
Something happend it's so strange this feeling
Naive notions that were childish
Simple tunes I tried to hide it when it comes
We all fall in love sometimes
Didn't we, didn't we, shouldn't we, couldn't we?
I'm not sure but sometimes we're so blind
struggling through the day,
when even your best friends say
Don't you find we all fall in love sometimes?

honey and the moon.

2007-03-10T00:10:00.000+08:00

guess after a few days of listening to Fall Out Boy,
it's back to my emo playlist again.
But seriously though Fall Out Boy has this magic in their songs that just wipes out my entire mind of thoughts (of stuffs that i'm constantly contemplating.)
just under this short period of time i could just put aside all these and i won't say enjoy, but put my mind at ease.
but as we all know it's just temporary; we can never avoid problems.

and i'm rightfully admitting that i'm afraid to solve the problems,
cause it seems so fragile at this point, yet i'm already taking steps back not thinking about it.
just like irritating pop-ups on random websites, these thoughts will generate more problems too.
i'm just pure exhausted physically now,
and with these other stuffs piling up i'm also setting priorities.
it's not that i don't wanna solve the problems, it's just that sometimes i wonder are there really problems?
yes we're all busy, so am i but i guess i'm just the crazy thinker guy who just always want to get things done with efficiently with minimal damage.
sounds impossible?
and so far it's just the 3 same words: i don't know.

infinity definitely on high.

2007-03-05T23:22:00.000+08:00

Yes a quick and harmless post for everyone.
If you havent gotten Fall Out Boy's new album, INFINITY ON HIGH, get your ass moving and get it quick, cause ALL of their songs rock.
They really do, and i never lie when it comes to music.
and I'm sure that most of you have at the very least, heard their new song, It's Not a Scene, It's an Arms Race;
also Fall Out Boy's really guilty of having misheard lyrics everywhere, and it's really hilarious if you mishear lyrics for something else.
This is the misheard lyrics for It's Not a Scene, It's an Arms Race, i bet you will laugh your asses off the chair. (Yes it will make no sense at some verses but it will tickle your freaking funny bone.)

"I am an arms dealer,
Fitty, you with the weapons in the formal word.
and, don't really care which eye will,
as long as the room keeps spinning,
that's just a fitness hobby.

This ain't a city, it's a golf, dare ass face
This ain't a sea, it's a gold, care, OurSpace
This ain't a city it's a golf cart ass face
I'm not a shovel,
Don Juan, I dye grass...

I'm a little man, and i'm also evil, also into cats, also into cats
I'm a little man, and i'm also evil, also into cats, also into cats yea...

I move the gospel of didn't know? (Look the dude is sinking)
All the new bombshells and all that is,
So bring the dumb ass out the gutter
We're painting your thrash, ho,
while you sneak, crashing out life, hips and cars,
no more b-b-b-black parties...

This ain't a city it's a Gotham ass face,
This ain't a sea, it's a gold dare arse face,
This ain't a city, it's a gold dare arse face.
Fenway is born, believe, catch a mother.

I'm a little man and i'm also evil and also into cats, also into cats
I'm a little man, and i'm also evil and also into cats, also into cats yeahh..

All the foils on the dance floor can blow
and all the girls with swift, cream can move fast enough - sing, until your lungs skidaddle.
This ain't a city it's a golf cart ass face.
This ain't a sea, it's a gold dare ass face.
This ain't a city it's a Gotham, OurSpace...
This ain't a sea, it's a gold dare ass-face.

I'm a little man, and i'm also evil, also into cats, also into cats...
I'm a little man, and i'm also evil, also into cats, also into caaaaaaaaaats!"

mystical.

2007-03-01T20:02:00.000+08:00

Mystic River.

Not only was the novel great, the movie actually portrayed everything I had about the book in mind. Sean Penn, Tim Robbins and Kevin Bacon were wonderful actors. This movie just grabs the attention of the viewers. wooo. Go read the book or watch the movie if you have the time. Definitely worth it.

well first of all, CNY had been great. All the steamboat, abalone, scallops, late night Mahjong and every other thing which happened then were wonderful. but somehow i feel that as we grow older, CNY just gets more boring. i just miss those great times where my sis and i had fun playing with my cousins. now that we're older we can just sit down and talk and laugh about the past.

apart from that, it's back to school and work and CTs, just finished GP paper today, yet i'm already slacking though there's not much time left before the next paper on monday. argh sucks just no motivation to do anything productive. i need to start soon.

haha alright.
updated.
cya people.
peace.

my sundown.

2007-02-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

Nostalgia. the once in the lifetime chance being captured on picture.

I somehow find, You and I collide. Unforgettable night. Beautiful night. Wished it could all just be replayed.

2007-02-26T23:13:00.000+08:00

With every appearance by you, blinding my eyes,
I can hardly remember the last time I felt like I do.
You're an angel disguised, and you're lying real still,
but your heart beat is fast just like mine.
And the movie's long over, that's three that have passed, one more's fine.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

I'm trying real hard not to shake.
I'm biting my tongue, but I'm feeling alive
and with every breathe that I take, I feel like I've won.
You're my key to survival.
And if it's a hero you want, I can save you; just stay here.
Your whispers are priceless.
Your breathe, it is dear.
So please stay near.

Will you stay awake for me?
I don't wanna miss anything
I don't wanna miss anything I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything.

Say my name.
I just want to hear you.
Say my name.
So I know it's true.
You're changing me.
You showed me how to live.
So just say that you'll stay awake for me.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I don't wanna miss anything.
I will share the air I breathe,
I'll give you my heart on a string,
I just don't wanna miss anything

WOOOOOOOOOO.

2007-02-22T05:45:00.000+08:00

GREAT DAY TO BE A RED!
barca 1 - 2 LIVERPOOL

i can't be more elated than this.
no contreversies unlike the freaking red devilzzzzxzxzx.
wonderful game.
my face is lit up brighter than before.
damn i'm high now.

details on CNY coming up soon(i hope!)
haha.
LIVERPOOL!!!!!!

stolen.

2007-02-17T16:04:00.000+08:00

These are the reasons why Ben wants to install a dog security alarm in his house. I mean, who wouldnt want to kidnap this little thing? I KNOW I WOULD.
well i'm just kinda pissed with it cause' it pee-ed on my pants yesterday. bloody puppy. but i forgive him, heh.

Valentine's was good to an extent, well at least it cheered many people up.

apart from that, outing with dancers have been great. went cine yesterday; pooled, ate and watched freaking lousy Ghost Rider(hahah yea).

this week has been really hectic for me though, reporting at 7am almost everyday for meetings and stuffs; been really really really exhausted. phew CNY's just tomorrow but i reckon i won't be getting much sleep 'cause it'll be a rocking new year.

well short post.
i'll just leave it to all of you to stare at the pic of the cutest dog in the world.
maybe, just maybe i'll kidnap the dog one day.

serenade.

2007-02-15T22:43:00.000+08:00

Share with me the blankets that you're wrapped in
Because it's cold outside, it's cold outside
Share with me the secrets that you kept in
Because it's cold inside, it's cold inside

And your slow shaking finger tips
Show that you're scared like me so let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don’t care

Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don’t tell me that I'm the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible

I was born to tell you I love you
Isn't that a song already?
I get a B in originality
And its true I can't go on without you
Your smile makes me see clearer
If you could only see in the mirror what I see

And your slow shaking finger tips
Show that you're scared like me so let's pretend we're alone
And I know you may be scared and
I know we're unprepared
But I don’t care

Slow down girl your not going anywhere
Just wait around and see
Maybe I'm much more
You never know what lies ahead
I promise I can be anyone, I can be anything
Just because you were hurt doesn’t mean you shouldn’t bleed
I can be anyone, anything; I promise I can be what you need

Tell me, tell me
What makes you think that you are invincible?
I can see it in your eyes that you're so sure
Please don’t tell me that I'm the only one that’s vulnerable
Impossible.

burn out bright

2007-02-11T12:27:00.000+08:00

what a week. time flies when there's common test coming up, i swear.
only 2 more weeks before the common test argh; and the J1s are more muggish than me.
ah well that's the new batch of J1s to you.
i've gotta at least try to study soon if not i'll screw up again.
and my hair, it grows so fast.
only 2 weeks and it's like almost back to before, only except the back and sides which are still kinda short.

and i finally got to play soccer after ages; however i still feel that it's jinxed.
first incident happened during tuesday's PE, we found a ball and started kicking around the back of the grandstand area,
for some reason when i kicked the ball away my heel landed awkwardly on the concrete and now my recurring heel injury is back.
the second incident, i would say, didn't hurt me physically but it sure did hurt my pride(HAHA). i shall just cut details from that cause it's so darn embarrassing. MUAHAHA.
BUT STILL I NEED TO PLAY AT LEAST A PROPER GAME OF SOCCER SOON.
SOCCER FEVER.

dance has been pretty good,
at least 90%(i would say) of the dance has been completed,
the guys are going to be guai school boys, while the girls are going to be the evil druggies, yea yea you get the idea, lots of dance and stuffs;
SO WATCH OUT FOR US.

but the best news of all is that Ben's DOG's back.
it's so great, it makes me wanna go to his house in the middle of the night or something and kidnap the dog.
damn naughty, damn playful, damn hyper and it's called RASCAL (SO CLICHE)
i better stop thinking of it or i'll just go grab it now.

well that's all for today's update.
no inspiration, what can i do?
cya guys soon.

stay close, don't go.

2007-02-06T19:01:00.000+08:00

I'm staring at the glass in front of me,
is it half empty of our wins or of all you've given me?
I know I've been selfish,
I know I've been foolish,
but look through that and you will see, I'll do better,
I know, baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
amazed how I somehow managed to sweep you off your feet girl,
your perfect little feet girl,
I took for granted what you do.
But I'll do better, I know, baby I can do better.

If you leave me tonight,
I'll wake up alone,
don't tell me I will make it on my own,
don't leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

And don't you know my heart is open,
it's bringing on the fight,
and I've got this feeling,
that everything's alright, and don't you see,
I'm not the only one for you but you're the only one for me.

If you leave me tonight I'll wake up alone.
Don't tell me I'll make it on my own.
this heart of stone will sing till it dies.

easier than love.

2007-02-04T00:49:00.000+08:00

saumya: strong woman. very, very. haha. great dance yesterday too. thanks too!
kara: well i haven't been updating and the tags just come in as usual. =P. haha! yes chinese sucks but it's just part and parcel of life. heh. cya ard!
twin: hey hey hey. naughty by nature la you.
layz: hey don't be disappointed about ytd okay. sorry i missed ur perf but i know you girls did well. haha and i'm not pro la. just that i keep singing that song every time i get my hands on a guitar. y don't you join too?
shubha: thanks so much mikestand. haha! cya around.
avyy: HAHA YEA. thanks ya. =)

it was a great day today, nevertheless tiring.

well flashback to last night, Talentime '07.
brought my guitar on stage, tried to calm myself down by talking to the audience and adding a lil' drama when the spotlights turned on abruptly.
at least some of the people did what i requested! HAHA, it was hilarious. but thanks so much!
once i started strumming i felt the sudden rush of erm, emo? (NAH. not that)
haha, i mean the song just meant so much to me cause it was the first song i ever learnt when i picked up guitar.
was trying to look around the audience halfway for familiar faces, found tasya my president smiling at me HAHA. throughout the song i just kinda kept hearing wenhao saying in my head," remember to smile, hor."
and i did. well at times. cause YOU can't smile when singing an emo song wad.
before i knew it, the song was over and i just walked to the back and didn't really think much of it.
prepared for the BEST PERF of the night, THE MOTHERFATHERS. Take Me Out/Move Along. it was our best run of all the jamming sessions and rehearsals we had.
UNFORTUNATELY, we emerged as top 3. HAIH don't talk about it. =P
once again, GREAT NIGHT. THANK ALL FOR COMING DOWN! marianne, shubha and gang for the flowers. yisong and gang for the carrot(?)

back to today, barely had ANY rest.
woke up and rushed to school for dance, was so exhausted i couldn't even do anything properly.
stayed in school and mugged for awhile. (SORRY ZHANG for PS-ing you.)
went queensway to get new shoes and OF COURSE(IN YOUR FACE BEN), KATONG LAKSA.
got wicked new shoes as well.
rushed home, rushed to marina south and had a hell of a great senior-junior class outing.
watched LIVERPOOL drew everton 0-0 in the pool place.
was devastated and now i can't wear the jersey tmr.

it's getting late. and i'm still tired, as always.
hope to cya guys soon.
bonne nuit! =)

"And time stands still beneath the air of waiting hours
To touch, just to feel a love that seems to overpower me
She's all I'll ever need
And you know her love just hypnotizes me
'Til All I see is beautiful

At night I dream that you were sent to me from heaven
My Life, it seems so lonely here without your presence
You could change my everyday
And I could never think of love without your name
As you remain,

beautiful - like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain
Beautiful - like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break
Beautiful - like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun
Beautiful - making everything brand new
Beautiful you

And all this time you're changing me to something better
A love so high that everyday that we're together
I will leave the world below
Until your heart becomes the only thing I know
All I know is,

Beautiful - like the summer rain to wash away the winter stain
Beautiful - like the morning sun inviting the dawn to break
Beautiful - like the joy that comes when the love you've longed for has just begun
Beautiful - making everything brand new
Beautiful you."

desert lands.

2007-01-29T22:20:00.000+08:00

until Sunday, i'll be waiting for an answer.
i guess that yesterday's not good enough for you.
you know that I hate this song;
because it was written for you.

she is the sunlight.

2007-01-26T23:47:00.000+08:00

i thought i should update cause my tagboard might turn into a ghost town soon and people all around are complaining.
ben's getting kinda impatient, so is sam and the rest who are dying to see the next post.
soooo update.
ain't really a great time to be updating now though.
no inspiration and no mood, really.
well mostly because i feel that i've just crossed the line; by choice at the wrong time.
i just had it coming, but didnt predict the impact of it.
argh in fact i shouldn't even be thinking about it.
well that's okay at least i've got the image of K.A. in my mind keeping me jovial. heh heh. (wenhao and ale knows what I mean. =x.)

dance camp rocked.
i just wished i could turn back time.

on a lighter note, my band got into the finals of talentime.
woohoo.
i don't really sound happy and high here though.
but trust me, i'm elated. boooyah.

and i'm just glad to have found a band which is totally my style.
it fits like a...er..i dunno how to use a simile here but you get me.
it's called Trading Yesterday; an unsigned band but their music will blow your mind and soothe your ears.
ben's spreading the love to everyone, i'm just keeping it kinda silent.
keep an eye out of that band people, and if you want their songs just ask me, i'll be more than happy to make your day.

well WENHAO & TWIN, dont overspeculate about K.A. ar, haha.
yea great warmmmmm smile but, nothing much la HEH!
bonne nuit everyone.
cya guys soon. =)

half alive.

2007-01-14T23:36:00.000+08:00

sneha: haha. i'm not gonna use hair clips anytime soon. =P
avyy, marianne, tw: sore throat almost gone. thanks!
jason: great you were an OGL in my OG too. though it was your orientation and i don't know whether you enjoyed it.
katwoman: yes yes many of us are all are.
wanyi: being a COUNCILLOR must be an OGL. haha about the mass dance, you ask the other OGLs bah.
grace: my voice is coming back. and i'm glad you loved mass dance!
joanna: yea it's been a long time since you came here. orientation's over. sigh. take care though. great that you were in mass dance comm.

Orientation was great. details coming up soon. not now though. exhausted!
this song is for you.

"Well, you done done me and you bet I felt it
I tried to be chill but your so hot that I melted
I fell right through the cracks, and I'm tryin to get back before the cool done run out
I'll be givin it my bestest and nothin's gonna stop me but divine intervention
I reckon it's again my turn to win some or learn some

I won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait, I'm yours

Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you're free
Look into your heart and you'll find love love love
listen to the music at the moment maybe sing with me
Ah, la peaceful melody
It's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved loved

So, i won't hesitate no more,
no more, it cannot wait, I'm sure
there's no need to complicate our time is short
this is our fate, i'm yours

I've been spendin' way too long checkin' my tongue in the mirror
and bendin' over backwards just to try to see it clearer
my breath fogged up the glass and so I drew a new face and laughed
I guess what I'm a sayin'
is there ain't no better reason to rid yourself of vanity and just go with the seasons
it's what we aim to do
our name is our virtue

I won't hesitate no more,
no more it cannot wait, i'm sure
there's no need to complicate
our time is short it cannot wait, i'm yours

listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la happy family
it's our god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved
listen to the music of the moment come and dance with me
ah, la peaceful melodies
it's your god forsaken right to be loved loved loved loved..."

we will dance.

2007-01-11T22:09:00.000+08:00

having a sore throat is bad.
having a sore throat during orientation is worse.
having a sore throat during orientation and having to teach people mass dance is KILLER.
i tried singing a string of notes of a random Major and i immediately left Shaun and Aaron laugh on the floor coz they claimed that all they heard was 2 notes out of the 7.

well at least the mass dance comm. has done their job!
i've gotta thank Jiayi, my dance partner & choreographer for this mass dance comm.
As well as all the lao-shis: Keith and Jo , Wenhao and Huiting.
THE WHOLE MASS DANCE COMM. for being so encouraging to the newbies as well as being patient with me.
Last but not least, Ale and Tasya for the wonderful dance they've choreographed.

well i'm glad they've enjoyed themselves during mass dance sessions.
and yes Avril i will teach you mass dance tomorrow i promise(though i broke the promise twice in 2 days ARGH)
hmmm, at least we had fun doing Summernights, coz that dance/song used to be hated by both Jiayi and I as we've forgotten how to dance to that;
but we joked alot as we taught.

speaking of dance,
i was kinda elated to hear that some people from my OG went to Western Dance audits today.
WAHAHA, thanks guys/girls who went.

"I've watched the sunrise in your eyes
And I've seen the tears fall like the rain
You've seen me fight so brave and strong
You've held my hand when I'm afraid

We've watched the seasons come and go
We'll see them come and go again
But in winter's chill, or summer's breeze
One thing will not be changin'

We will dance when the sun is shining
In the pouring rain, we'll spin and we'll sway
And we will dance
When the gentle breeze becomes a hurricane
The music will play
And I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we will dance

Sometimes it's hard to hold you tight
Sometimes we feel so far apart
Sometimes we dance as one
And feel the beating of each others hearts

Some days the dance is slow and sweet
Some days we're bouncing off the walls
No matter how this world may turn
Our love will keep us from

And we will dance
The music will play
And I'll hold you close
And I won't let you go

Even when our steps grow weak and slow
Still I'll take your hand
And hold you close to me
And we, will dance"

awakening.

2007-01-02T01:58:00.000+08:00

woahh.
what an ending to the year 2006.
so much have happened throughout this whole year;
both great and bad things. (Note: It's not just good.)
most importantly of all, i've met so many wonderful people this year.
it's already 2nd of January 2007, and i havent even come up with my new year resolutions. ouch.
speaking of 02/01/07, it's Alethea Foong a.k.a. Twin's birthday!
those reading this, remember to give your wishes to her.

before i continue, the new year started out GREAT!
with LIVERPOOL thrashing poor wittle bolton 3-0.

alright, let's make this interesting,
instead of me just stating the new year resolutions for 2007,
i shall help give some new year's resolutions to my friends here, heh heh:

Alethea:
my dear twin, great listening ear, vice versa as well. always there for me, giving me great advice and all, i swear i couldn't have gone through the whole of 2006 without you around. anyways, my new year resolution for you: Minimize (or stop) overthinking; and i shall put that in my new year resolutions as well. and how twins think alike.

Avril:
life would be empty without you around. the girl who doesn't need sugar to get suger high. a wonderful person as well! share so much in common: SCRUBS-nut, candyfreak, durian-hating, pizza-loving etc. and the list goes on. NEW YEAR RESOLUTION(s): master french then teach me, don't stress yourself too much with dance stuffs and school work and put on more weight(not fatter but a better figure) <===(Note: it's better, means already good figure HAHA.)

Ben:
i swear he's like a brother, we read each other's minds. we love liverpool/soccer/9-ball/fifa loads more la. what a superb year we've been through. like a crazy rollercoaster ride. woooooo 2007's gonna be great i reckon. though we've gotta cut down on pool/soccer etc. all the fun stuffs. new year resolution(s) for you bro: Go fix your motherboard, and eat more meat(people say that you're too skinny) and uhh, let's hope we can go friggin' Anfield for real this year after A Levels.

Shaun:
wahaha. knew this guy since primary 1. we were in the same schools all the way living in the same estate. now a crazy drummer and our band member. well, new year resolution(s): change your hairstyle! hmm it's nice now but before we get enlisted into army i hope to see another style, wahaha, hopefully it'll be better.

T.W. :
woahh i've met this guy for like only about 2 months and he's been great, always giving great advice and all. cheer up dude, we've had all the fun during november/december and i'm sure it'll be more fun this year. new year resolution: BE MORE MEAN; ROARR(hulk style), yea man, you've got pride and when people piss you off, just rebuke back, don't just contain it. maybe one day i'll plant a gamma bomb in your egg mcmuffin or something and when it blasts(if you survive), next time someone pisses you off, you'll become the hulk which would totally rock. yup, remember, you're human too, people don't have to right to just push you around.

Wanyi:
wanyi, 2 words to describe her: great pal. my OG mate, how we used to hang out around NJC and just talk about stuffs but stupid NJ just had to leave her behind after 3 months. of course she's doing great now and i hope we can meet up to catch up soon! new year resolution: COME BACK NJC. haha, i know that's not possible, hmm so maybe i'll go over to AJC for awhile to meet up with you and the other guys too.

okay okay, now for my 2007 NEW YEAR RESOLUTIONS *drum roll*

1) Live for the moment and not overthink coz it's all part of the Big Guy's perfect plan.

2) Gain more weight, hell i look like a skeleton.

3) Master SPANISH. dispenseme, mi espanol is still sucky.

4) Not to judge others, working on it right about......now.

5) Save money (HOPEFULLY) to go for an Anfield trip. arghhh.

6) Try not to get injured everytime I play soccer.

7) Get great results for prelims.

8) Improve on my guitar and bass and whatsoever cause i still suck at them.

WELLLLL i think that's just about it. those are just the main RESOLUTIONS for the new year. I really do hope they all come true, and I'm working on them.
alright tonight's post has been a long one as well.
hasta luego, buenos noches.

spirit.

2006-12-30T05:53:00.000+08:00

shaun: i can't imagine me in golf either. neither can you imagine me in ballet. zoom zoom zoom!
jess: oops late reply. haha dont think anytime soon. everyone is like dead. yup i want the photos too.
rachel: great songs you sent me. thanks!
tw: de nada senor tw. (spanish, working on it man. haha)
claud: MERRY er..abit too late huh. cheers though!
ben: at least you tagged. wahaha
huiting: well doing okay only la. alrite relinked!

and yes i'm learning Spanish from an Audiobook right now, hope it pays off!
woah last week of holidays, ALRITE not spoiling for everyone.
well no sleep for 3 days, not consecutive though;
today being the 3rd day, which explains the early(or late?) post.
yes how time wears a person down.
supposedly slept 15 hours yesterday due to fatigue, and now i'm back to not sleeping.
well this time for no apparent reason,
just that BEN and TW decided not to sleep and i just happened to not sleep too.

been watching SCRUBS Season 5 recently,
well it never gets boring.
ohh the crazy life of J.D. just sometimes reflects upon me (well it's just mostly the crazy hallucinations and imaginations if you get what i'm saying)

wow just another one hour before breakfast with ben and tw.
speaking of breakfast, for those reading here, dont ever get scammed by any McDonald's staff who try to scam you by saying that there's no student's meal.
every person who is wearing a uniform is entitled to purchase a student's meal.
to hell with 'em.
and speaking of student's meal, shaun, on the other day, was wearing the NJ PE tee and the bus driver demanded him to pay an adult's fare.
those out there who look old (i know that's not me) PLEASE just give 55 cents and walk to the back of the bus even if he has to get up from the driver's seat and scream at you like you're a fugitive, it's for your sake because i look young and dont have to worry.

alright alright. post getting more longwinded.
i shall see you guys soon.
hasta luego!

in this life.

2006-12-25T13:59:00.000+08:00

Head over here and take me
Head over heels and aching
When I told you I was yours,
I was yours

In this life, you're the one place I call home
In this life, you're the feeling I belong
In this life, you're the flower and the thorn
You're everything that's fair in love and war

I'm coming down like a gunshot
In all these battles I've fought
You're the mark I'm aiming for
I was yours

Head over heels
In this life, I'm stubborn to the core
In this life, I've been burning after more
We both know what these open arms are for
You're everything that's fair

In this life, you're my only one

bonne nuit.

2006-12-23T19:04:00.000+08:00

Here comes the cold
Break out the winter clothes
And find a love to call your own
You, enter you
Your cheeks a shade of pink
And the rest of you in powder blue
Who knows what will be
But I'll make you this guarantee

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

In the dark, on the phone
You tell me the names of your brothers
And your favorite colors
I'm learning you and when it snows again
We'll take a walk outside and search the sky like children do,
I'll say to you

No way November will see our goodbye
When it comes to December it's obvious why
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time
And come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?
And we'll both be safe 'til St. Patrick's Day

We should take a ride tonight around the town and look around at all the beautiful houses
Something in the way that blue lights on a black night can make you feel more
Everybody, it seems to me, just wants to be just like you and me
No one wants to be alone at Christmas time

Come January we're frozen inside
Making new resolutions a hundred times
February, won't you be my valentine?
And if our always is all that we gave
And we someday take that away
I'll be alright if it was just 'til St. Patrick's Day.

saving grace

2006-12-19T00:35:00.000+08:00

on a lighter note, liverpool thrashed charlton 3-0 at the weekend.
but my toe is gonna be out for 3 months (OUCHH)
hmmm i swear sooner or later, though i keep saying this, i'm gonna take golf up.
haha soccer is like jinxed, everytime i play i will return with an injury.
maybe i should go to the doc to remove the disgusting toenail.

speaking of doctors, SCRUBS has returned with a new season.
haha waiting for avril before i watch it though; scrubs marathon =)

alrite short post, tired me.
gonna go off right now.
cya guys soon!
bonne nuit.

bitter and tainted.

2006-12-18T00:51:00.000+08:00

ben: "one thing that makes life so wonderful
is the closest friends you've got when
you're troubled or when times are bad."

tw: "love begins with a smile,
grows with a kiss
and ends with a teardrop."

wanyi: "life is simple if we just love without expecting anything,
life gets complicated if we want more than just purely love."

ale : every quote that twin has given me has been such hard friggin kicks to whatever life throws at me.

to ben, tw, wanyi & ale: yup my pillars of support. thanks for the quotes. i couldnt stand up and face life without you guys and girls.

slow dancing in a burning room.

2006-12-10T04:09:00.000+08:00

I..i dunno why I should be awake at this hour.
ben's snoozing right behind me.
the silence is just so deafening.
I sit right here and thoughts just keep flooding my mind.
good thoughts, mostly, of the past.
i mean i just get flashbacks when i glance through the pictures now.
great memories.
i really can't take my mind off you.
i guess i'm just stuck in this moment here.

"Suppose I said I am on my best behavior
And there are times,
I lose my worried mind

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

Suppose I said colours change for no good reason
And words will go
From poetry to prose

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while I am someone else?

And I
In time
Will come around
I always do for you

Suppose I said
You're my saving grace

Would you want me when I'm not myself?
Wait it out while Im someone else?"

there'll never be another you

2006-12-07T16:06:00.000+08:00

To you:

I miss the past. I miss the times we studied in the library after school even though sometimes we studied for only 15 minutes. I miss how we would joke about the most trivial of things such as my bubble tea. I miss how we would turn into kids once we enter the huge candy store. We didn't care what people thought 'cause we were the greatest pals then. No one can explain how the future will bring about a person's feelings. Was it wrong, I don't know. All I know was that things changed drastically once I felt differently. Like like-poles we seem to drift further and further apart over time. Before long I realised...I realised who I fell for. Maybe I was proceeding too fast, maybe my actions were misintepreted - for that I'm so very sorry. But still when I made this choice, the path would definitely be long and unpredictable. I miss you so much my friend. How I wish things were like before. I'm so sorry, I'll hold on. Take care.

dance with you.

2006-11-24T23:09:00.000+08:00

wooh this week has been a looong week for me.
most of it was fun though.
had a couple of intensive 9-ball action with ben few days back which really rocked.
also ben and i went to saumya's house as yesterday as we prepared a HUGE(okay not that huge) surprise for shubha and katwoman.
it was rocking, except during the lighting of the candles when sumyutha accidentally burnt part of her hair as she screamed ear-piercingly and jumping around the room and the house.
all ben and i did were stunned, pinching our noses, then bursting into hysterical laughter.
though after that she kinda got pissed at us for doing nothing, we couldnt really do anything. but i gotta admit it really was hilarious.(sorry sumyutha, haha)
today was great too.
although my YLTC buddy james didnt make it.
went out with less than half of the 1-ders to marina south and ate seafood buffet.
stuffed my face together with alvin, ian, nat, elaine and jess.
didnt felt that good afterward though.
haha we need a 1-ders + incredibles gathering soon.

oh yea had a couple of sleepovers at ben's and vice versa too.
watched liverpool beat eindhoven as both the englishmen netted in the 2-0 victory. WOOHOO.
just realised that i'm going bankrupt soon.
pool + carl's jr. + late night snacks + even more pool + great food = $0
and no i'm not gonna take any out of my bass fund.

landon pigg left me this song to think about.
it just crosses my mind occasionally though.

"Well you're the closest thing I have
To bring up in a conversation about a love that didn't last
But I could never call you mine
'Cause I could never call myself yours
And if we were really meant to be
Well then we justify destiny
It's not that our love died, just never really bloomed

Well I can't let go
No, I can't let go of you
You're holding me back without even trying to.
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back.

And then we saw our paths diverge
And I guess I felt okay about it until you got with another man,
And then I couldn't understand why it bothered me so.
How we didn't die we just never had a chance to grow.

I can't let go
No, I can't let go of you
You're holding me back without even trying to.
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past.
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back.

And it might not make much sense
To you or any of my friends
Though somehow still you affect the things I do.
And you can't lose what you never had
I dont understand why I feel sad every time I see you out with someone new.

I can't let go
No, I can't let go of you
You're holding me back without even trying to.
I can't let go, I can't move on from the past
Without lifting a finger you're holding me back.
I can't let go
I can't move on from the past."

sink or swim.

2006-11-19T00:27:00.000+08:00

woah. 5 days have gone so fast.
these 5 days were so fun, it'll take forever if i were to post it.
well they said time flies when you're having fun.
at first i thought it would be a total waste of time;
i was so wrong. it turned out to be the best camp i've been to.
obstacle course, Sea Ex. around Ubin, Land Ex. around the whole of Singapore, waking up at 3.30am just to walk and jog 11km to Ngee Ann Poly and back to NJ, sleeping right in the open beside the beach, doing late night sentry duty alongside soldiers. etc. it couldnt get any unique and exhilerating than this.
oh yes, the best thing of all is my group.
everyone in there rocked, i mean that was probably the best thing throughout the YLTC.
played cards right out in the open in the dark, joking around, making fun of James etc.
i'm so exhausted but i'm so grateful and glad that my team pushed me on.
made great friends, forged stronger bonds.

5 whole days gave me quite some time to think too.
i guess it's just too fast for me.
i'm pushing the stop button.
but thanks to the 3 best people who stood by me throughout: Ben, Shaun and Ale.
was true it was you i missed during this five days.
think it's just best for me to stop right now.
for both's sake.

"We should go to sleep now, you should stay the night.
I’ll be up to watch the world around us live and die.
Lying on the grass now, dancing for the stars.
Maybe one will look on down and tell us who we are.

We might fall, we might fall, we might fall
oh Honey we might fall
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall
oh Honey we might fall

I could join the circus, and you could sell your hair.
I could learn to walk the line or learn to train the bears.
Tell me are you crazy, and did you like the cold.
Tell me are you comfortable if comfortable at all.

We might fall, we might fall, we might fall
oh honey we might fall
We might fall, we might fall, we might fall
oh honey we might fall
Now that we are older, I remember you.
Reaching out to show me all the things that I must do.
Now that we are older, I remember youth.
Now that we are close to death and close to finding truth.

We might fall."

stars.

2006-11-09T23:03:00.000+08:00

when i look at the stars, i see someone.

pain, give yourself a name.

2006-11-06T22:16:00.000+08:00

from one perspective, it seems rather hard.
from another though it's the opposite.
i'm really stuck at crossroads now; i have no idea what to do next.
confused, lost, dilemma;
i'm learning to breathe, literally.
i feel like a burden, i'm always seeking for answers when i talk to ben, shaun or ale.
the answer may not be positive, but i'm still dying to know.
and i was told that at least i understood how it is right now,
thus handling it would be at greater ease.

the question is, to let it go or not?
fear begets more fear, fear begets weakness.
pain, please give yourself a name.

life is short, and that's why there is this concept of 'living for the moment'.
2 of the best people i've met in my life faced their set of problems recently.
these 2 persons have been the pillars through my down times.
it was only obvious if i returned the favour.
no i cannot repay them no matter what for what they've did, but i try.
it's just that sometimes, we gotta put that concept into our lives.
i know i can't.

and you'll be gone for a long time soon,
i'm stuck in a moment i can't get out of.
from what it seems now,
i being pessimistic and a thinker;
can't help but realise that chances are really slim.
moreover there's no progress
and tell me what can i do in order to make it natural?
i want to believe.
it's not that i lack confidence.
perhaps just a tingle of assurance could really help.

"Seems like I'm always on my own,
Seems like I'm never coming home
Seems like I'm always on my own...
All the stars and boulevards aren't close enough for you...

Late nights, won't do me justice
Cause when I drink...
I just get so damn depressed,
And its not like, I ain't trying to get over you.
It's just hard to look at the seasons, pass me over too...

Seems like I'm always on my own,
Seems like I'm never coming home
Seems like I'm always on my own...
All the stars and boulevards ain't close enough for you...

One last phone call from you, it wouldn't hurt much,
Just like to hear your voice and pretend to touch,
Any inch of you that hasn't said it all or
Read it all or sung my life away."

learning to breathe.

2006-11-04T22:43:00.000+08:00

i can't help but feel extra nonchalant as i headed towards yushu's house today for my class gathering.
it ain't any normal class gathering, it was the class of 6A of year 2001. yes, it's my primary school class gathering.
i mean meeting up with people i've not met in one year('cause we make it a deal to have at least 1 class gathering every year after we graduated), many of them have changed.
met up with clemens then we walked a long route up a hill pass a isolated area before reaching this mansion(okay maybe i'm exaggerating but his house was huge).

maybe i'm laughing at this now but it seems so dejavu-ish.
it was not much of a difference as it was before last time as it is now.
thinking back, i was lamenting to my good friend wang ting about it while we were walking home from school everytime.
guess some things never change do they?
and yes he just withstood my complains and whiney diney crap every single time.
oh if i said i was young and stupid then, now i would still be the same as before.
i'm off to watch the liverpool match with ben now.
peace.

"When I’m on fire
When you’re near me
I’m on fire
When you speak
And I’m on fire
Burning at these mysteries
These mysteries."

hit the walls again.

2006-10-27T16:10:00.000+08:00

wow.
the year's coming to an end.
how time can wear a person down.
questions yet to be answered.
doubts yet to be cleared.
right route yet to be found.

ain't the same ol' person;
going, "ohhh i think this time it's real! i believe!"
this crap is fiction; or rare.
maybe they are right - live for the moment.
think and overthink and the mind will be flooded with nonsense.
maybe experience taught me otherwise.

i don't seek an answer now.
however impatient i am,
the stormy clouds still gather and i can't see what's ahead.
perhaps it would be up to both
whether it's smooth sailing or a wreck.

still i scratch my head and blab utter nonsense they heard just so many times.
not down, but confused.

"It's really good to hear your voice saying my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the lips of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But girl you make it hard to be faithful
With the lips of an angel."

you and you alone.

2006-10-23T20:59:00.000+08:00

ben, shaun, ale thanks for your ears; always listening to me whine about that.
i wonder how you guys can actually stand me.
everytime you see me i would go to you guys and sigh and ask needless questions.
wounds from the past probably still hurt.

when i decided to take a green light on it, there was no turning back.
whirlwind of thoughts.
silent screams.
unstoppable.
yes yes you guys are right but i don't know why i can't control.

i hope you don't get the wrong message.
tell me if you hate it, i dont wanna force it.

"To see you when I wake up is a gift I didn't think could be real.
To know that you feel the same as I do is a three-fold, utopian dream.
You do something to me that I can't explain.
So would I be out of line if I said, I miss you.

I see your picture,
I smell your skin on the empty pillow next to mine.
You have only been gone ten days, but already I'm wasting away.
I know I'll see you again whether far or soon.
But I need you to know that I care and I miss you."

it's you.

2006-10-17T00:40:00.000+08:00

no one can say how sure i am, coz i don't even know it myself.
i feel it though.

"This time what I want is you
There is no one else
Who can take your place
This time you burn me with your eyes
You see past all the lies
You take it all away

I've seen it all
It was never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Take me away
Take me away
I've got nothing left to say
Just take me away

I try to make my way to you
But still I feel so lost
I don't know what else I can do

Cause I've seen it all
It was never enough
It keeps leaving me needing you

Don't give up on me yet
Don't forget who I am
I know I'm not there yet
But don't let me stay here alone.

Take me away."

from me.

2006-10-05T00:16:00.000+08:00

for you.

"Freedom comes in the morning time
As the sun begins to shine on my face
And even in the dark you're not alone
I will guide you by the hand;
I won't let you go
And you know I'll carry you when you can't walk

And you can
Shake the mountains with a whisper
And you are so beautiful
And I am so in love with you
You, you lead
And I will follow close behind

Now I'm waiting here for you
And don't be far away tonight
Lead me to the place where I can go and find rest
'Cause I'm so tired
And now let me feel your breath on my face."

YOU.

2006-09-30T08:37:00.000+08:00

shhhh...

"Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me;
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be.

I'm finding my way back to sanity, again
Though I don't really know what
I am gonna do when I get there
Take a breath and hold on tight
Spin around one more time
And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace.

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say
And even if you don't want to speak tonight
That's alright, alright with me;
'Cause I want nothing more than to sit
Outside your door and listen to you breathing,
Is where I want to be.

I don't want a thing from you,
Bet you're tired of me waiting
For the scraps to fall
Off your table to the ground
I just want to be here now.

And I am hanging on every word you say,
even if you don't want to speak tonight
It's alright, alright with me;
I want nothing more than to sit
outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing,
is where I wanna be."

run.

2006-09-27T21:38:00.000+08:00

Such a bad time to be blogging now.
but it's just the right moment to be saying this;
'cause I can't seem to get this off my head.

So much, I am looking forward to the times when we can just go out to, perhaps talk,
or just take long walks,
because I enjoy moments like that, with you.
And I cherish them.
Everything by Lifehouse says it all.

"Find me here,
Speak to me,
I want to feel you,
I need to hear you,
You are the light to my soul;
You are my purpose,
you're everything

You calm the storms, and you gave me rest,
you hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall,
you steal my heart, and you take my breath away
Would you take me in?
Take me deeper now.

And how can I stand here with you,
and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

'Cause you're all I want, you're all I need
You're everything,
Everything."

rain on the brain.

2006-09-21T21:01:00.000+08:00

It couldnt get any worse than this. Okay let me begin the tale of how i found out that i am officially very, very injury prone. first off, one month back while I was playing soccer, when I rushed back to my own defence in hopes of clearing the ball - which I succeeded, but suffered a hard kick to my calf which caused a prolong pain to the calf muscles up till now. I cant tip toe without feeling pain. Regards to Ben for providing this Online-Physio webbie.
Here is injry #1: http://www.sportsmed.buffalo.edu/info/calf.html

Did i say #1? uh huh it's not over yet, days after the first injury, while playing soccer with the guys during PE, my knee collided straight into Jingan's knee while we were struggling to get possession of a ball,it was like in a car crash such that he was the 18-wheeler and i was like the mini-scooter. I limped off immediately in agony to the high jump mat and just laid there like a dead man, the pain was excrutiating. I got kinda excited and without much rest I continued, (well the following isnt really an injury but it shows how injury prone i am) Tong Hern passed a ball to me and while i was trying to control it, the spin of the ball caused it to ricochet off my feet and straight into my sensitive area(YEA YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS!). the pain to that area was temparory but it hurts, while the knee injury still hurts till date.
Here's injury #2: http://www.sportsmed.buffalo.edu/info/prepat.html

wait wait, there's still one more added to the list. it took place yesterday. during lunch break, and i went to the basketball court to play soccer(AGAIN?). i took aim and gave a hard shot but the leg position was awkward, from the moment the ball left my feet, i limped straight to the fence and shouted out loud, as the pain was over-bearing. though the ball went in between the 2 posts(yes it was a goal), i thought i might've pulled my hip muscle and it is kinda serious.
Here's injury #3: http://www.sportsmed.buffalo.edu/info/hipflexor.html

Notice a pattern about these injuries? well of course you do. They are ALL soccer-related leg injuries. YEA AVRIL I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING IF YOU'RE READING. heh. i should switch to golf. maybe this is a sign that i should retire(okay maybe this word is too strong) from soccer. from the current circumstances, i just might though. i'm thinking that golf won't really kill or cause injuries, unless the ball or the club lands on any part of my body. Ouch.

closing time.

2006-09-16T00:56:00.000+08:00

i should be sleeping now. RAHRR.
but i've got this rush of inspiration all of the sudden so my butt is rooted to the seat again.
let's summarise today, it was mundane; same old, same old.
just that life is getting busier with the promos coming...

You know what? let's...let's not talk about my life right now. yea it's boring you wouldnt wanna hear it anyway, in this case read it. i've decided to break out of my shell, i'm feeling that my old self is back. (Ben and those who've read my 1st generation of posts will know what i mean) But nahh, it ain't going the overly-sarcastic and crazy(like really crazy) ideas anymore. wait, it would still be a tinnie-winnie dose of sarcasm but what the heck. haha those who read the posts this year would have Stan's-posts-are-emo-ish thoughts. well just to say today COULD be the day of days to kick start a brand new mood to my blog once again.

let's not waste time(though i already wasted 10 min typing those 2 paragraphs). this sudden rush of inspiration was due to a TV show i happened to stumble upon yesterday : Pimp My Ride. Yea, yea i know what some of you are thinking "oh this guy must've listened to mr. brown's podcasts etc. and elaborated on it etc. yakity yak." but my views are definitely my own.

Well for those who've watched the show before, or heard of it. It's like the EXTREME MAKEOVER for cars. It's about people sending in photos of how crappy and scrappy their vehicles(? am i even right to call those vehicles) are trying to get a black rapper to get their cars upgraded. I mean, like, most of the cars/vans/metal fitted with engines look like they're from the 1940s WW II era and they've just drove right through a mine field or something. You can see like the super rusty rims of the wheels(some cars don't even have rims), dented and scratched off paint marks of the body as if a 100kg cat used it as a yarnball etc. ; they look so bad, you would even think it's illegal to "drive" that on the road.

Every episode the vehicles look worst and worst. Some don't even have seats, the boot is filled with so much stuffs, they won't even know if you murdered someone and threw the corpse into the trunk. It's like, you might even suspect that these people would actually trash their cars on purpose to such a state where it could still be driven(they don't wreck the engine) yet still looks pathetic. Some cars don't even have doors for Heaven's sake.

So fast-forwarding, the rapper guy drives(he actually has the guts to) the "thing" back to a very unique and special tuning shop; and those mechanics, let's just call them guys, would always have the same reaction when the vehicle drives into the shop. The guys, somehow on cue, would display very surprised and depressed yet spastic looks on their faces, gasp and silently scream, "WHAT THE?" right in front of the cameras; as if those cars have no hope of even upgrading and tuning it. But the end product is always the same, but let's get there later.

anyways continuing from there, the guys would discuss what they would want to do with the piece of junk; i'm guessing that most of them would just want to turn it into scrap metal but they've got a show to do. the specific specialist will then tell the world they want to do this, want to add that, remove this, burn that etc. and they then get to work.

they would removed like 90% of what's left of the car when in the 1st place the car is left with 60% or less so you do the math. all you see left is the engine/batteries etc. the rest are like removed and gone. they make a new body for the car, throw in seats that look like they're from a private jet, add things you would never imagine they would put it in a vehicle. the COLOUR of the car is always so striking and weird; it's like i just take random cans of paint and pour it onto the car.

global tracking devices, ten 7-inch monitor around, under and in the car, gaming consoles, hot tubs(do they actually use them?), weather forecast machine, 50-inch plasma TV, leather/fur/exotic animals' hide passenger seats are just some of the few things they put into the car. this car, after all these upgrades are like much more expensive than everything that those car owners own. I SWEAR, if i get a hangover in the car and i wake up in it, i would think that the car itself IS my room.

finally(i don't know how long they take, maybe years?), when they complete that used-to-be-crap, and they reveal to the car owners, like W-O-A-H, it doesnt even look a car anymore, it looks more like a colourful kiddy MacDonald's playground.

when you watch it, i bet you would be like, "How i wish i own a car like that! it's bloody wicked cool!" Yes, that is if you want to increase the chances of people wanting to breaking into your car and steal it. honestly if i see one of those cars parked along the sidewalk while i walking, i would grab a crowbar and get those wicked high-tech stuffs. HAHA.

oh well, that summarises what was in my mind, and that's about it.
it's been such a long time since i wrote such a LoooooNNNNNGgggg post and with such a mood.
i hope you guys enjoyed this post cause if you didnt, you have left halfway while reading this post and wouldnt have gotten to this sentence in the first place.

PEACE.

running away.

2006-09-13T21:44:00.000+08:00

i cannot believe it.
GP promos paper is next friday!
and i thought there would be one more week after this.
gee, my AQ kinda sucks and i don't know if i can even pass GP.
hmm, i've got roughly 3 more weeks to complete all my subjects.
if i don't i might just get retained or forced to drop one H2 subject which i certainly don't want either.
Conscience(screaming into my ears), "BUCK UP STAN, BUCK UP!"

At this point of time, I shouldnt even be thinking about it;
yet somehow I am.
I've got to make a decision, not my mind but the other counterpart.
I'm beginning to get the feeling that the answer is "YES";
but if that is so, fear is the only obstacle that stands in my way.
Whining's no use though, though there's not much to do to get through it.
Dilemma, yes, that's the right word.
Such a shame it's happening at such a time.

Ryan Star - Losing Your Memory

"Call all your friends,
And tell them you're never coming back.
'Cause this is the end,
Pretend that you want it
Don’t react.
The damage is done,
The police are coming too slow now.
I would have died,
I would have loved you all my life

You're losing your memory now;

Where have you gone,
The beach is so cold in winter here.
And where have I gone,
I wake in Montauk with you near.

Remember the day,
'Cause this is what dreams should always be.
I just want to stay,
I just want to keep this dream in me.

You're losing your memory now

Wake up, it’s time little girl, wake up.
All the best of what we’ve done is yet to come.
Wake up, it’s time little girl, wake up.
Just remember who I am in the morning.

You're losing your memory now;
you're losing your memory;
you're losing your memory now."

Midnight in Philadelphia

2006-09-12T00:18:00.000+08:00

woah, MSN is screwed up.
one moment my contact list has only like 1 person online, next moment i can't even sign in.
GRRR..Microsoft's technical people if you're out there, you suck.
quick fix the problem Mr. Oh-So-Pro Billy Gates.
there're people here who need to use messenger and apparently, you're not doing a good job here!

Overthinking, I realised, can fill hopes with doubts.
That definitely ain't a good thing.
I need a clear sign to be sure that this is real, show me the way Starman.
I can't guarantee if this is it, that I won't fall again.
It's ALL in my hands and I know it.

U2 - City of Blinding Lights

"The more you see the less you know
The less you find out as you go
I knew much more then than I do now

Neon heart day-glow eyes
A city lit by fireflies
They're advertising in the skies
For people like us

And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Don't look before you laugh
Look ugly in a photograph
Flash bulbs purple irises

The camera can't see
I've seen you walk unafraid
I've seen you in the clothes you made

Can you see the beauty inside of me?
What happened to the beauty I had inside of me?

And I miss you when you're not around
I'm getting ready to leave the ground
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

Time...time...time...time...time
Won't leave me as I am
But time won't take the boy out of this man

Oh you look so beautiful tonight,
Oh you look so beautiful tonight;
Oh you look so beautiful tonight
In the city of blinding lights

The more you know the less you feel
Some pray for others steal
Blessings are not just for the ones who kneel luckily."

les yeux ouverts

2006-09-09T20:49:00.000+08:00

avril: "hey you didnt update your blog for many days le.."
heh, that's why i'm gonna update tonite.
time is just flying by real quickly; so much stuffs have taken place throughout this period of time.
promos are nearing and at the blink of an eye, wham, it's the year 2007 already.
wow.
holidays are not called holidays anymore, once you enter secondary school.
back in secondary school, once march, june, september and november/december holidays arrive, there is no resting cause there would be tonnes of homework, CCA practices to attend etc. etc. never ending activities right at your doorstep.
for JC it's no different, perhaps even much worst because time will really fly, plus there would be other stuffs apart from school stuffs that would take place.
ahh well, life's like that. scream and whine all you want and though it can help relieve some stress, it would be temparory.

"soccer is where 20 semi-gay, semi-hairy guys chasing after a ball with 2 other guys trying to catch it." wow, the first ever definition of soccer i've heard and known of in my 17 years on earth. haha it's kinda hilarious though; 'cause YOU don't say you don't like soccer but instead give it a great definition. =)

well i love soccer too much to care, and I MIGHT take up golf. heh.

shall end today's post with one of my favourite songs now by Snow Patrol!

Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars

"We'll do it all
Everything on our own

We don't need
Anything or anyone

If I lay here;
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say how I feel

Those three words are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here;
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here;
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here;
If I just lay here,
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?"

angels calling.

2006-08-29T21:04:00.000+08:00

what more could i say?
i don't have the inspiration, nor the mood to blog.
i guess i've been over-thinking stuffs.
i've become afraid now.
so afraid of it.
of what?
giving my all into something that relates to my life.
they call it commitment; i've lost that word in my vocabulary.
if i were to blame someone, it would definitely be myself.
now i would ask all sorts of questions before taking another step forward.
picture all kinds of consequences on my mind.
so much it is eating into me.
is this for better or for worse?
i've got no idea.

Five for Fighting - 100 Years

"I'm 15 for a moment
Caught in between 10 and 20
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

I'm 22 for a moment
She feels better than ever
And we're on fire
Making our way back from Mars

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to lose
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

I'm 33 for a moment
Still the man, but you see I'm a they
A kid on the way
A family on my mind

I'm 45 for a moment
The sea is high
And I'm heading into a crisis
Chasing the years of my life

15 there's still time for you
Time to buy,
Time to lose yourself
Within a morning star
15 I'm all right with you
15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live

Half time goes by
Suddenly you’re wise
Another blink of an eye
67 is gone
The sun is getting high
We're moving on...

I'm 99 for a moment
Dying for just another moment
And I'm just dreaming
Counting the ways to where you are

15 there's still time for you
22 I feel her too
33 you’re on your way
Every day's a new day...
15 there's still time for you
Time to buy and time to choose
Hey 15, there's never a wish better than this
When you only got 100 years to live"

a ghost of you.

2006-08-21T22:55:00.000+08:00

i didn't mean to hurt anyone reading that last post.
it was all from inside; some felt i was harsh, others had their own opinions.
i won't choose a side to stand cause i was the one who got myself into this.
i can't blame anyone cause i'm the one who chose to be hurt eventually.
for those who read and really thought through what i've said, thanks for the time.
again i emphasize that i was just stating what i felt from someone who's been through that.

i have this strange familiar feeling that i'm gonna breakdown again.
it's just coming and i know it.
i don't know how i'm take it now though.
i don't know why it's happening either;
it could be all these stuffs just abruptly thrown right in front of me.
it's just too much to take, i guess.

i can never be the same.
now i have to think thrice before really committing.
i could give a 110% before, until my mindset was changed.
for the better or for worse? i don't know.
maybe because i've been forcing the reciprocate thing.
now i would take a step forward followed by another step back and look at the situation before really considering something.
it's not that i won't give a 110% now, it's that because i've gave so much that i'm the one who's been hurting myself in the end.
if i were to be lucky, i would find the one who would give me equally much as i would give.
that is, if i am really fortunate.

ONE MORE THING : if you're reading this, please not hurt others. i know it definitely has to do with me, but don't drag other people into this, so stop it. it's getting irritable. they can't stand it, neither can i.

this post is just to clarify any doubts or questions raised by my previous post. any misunderstanding caused is honestly coincidental.

Jet - Look What You've Done

"Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to prove

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Give me back my point of view
'Cause I just can't think for you
I can hardly hear you say
What should I do, well you choose

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone

Take my photo off the wall
If it just won't sing for you
'Cause all that's left has gone away
And there's nothing there for you to do

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
Oh well, it seems likes such fun
Until you lose what you had won

Oh, look what you've done
You've made a fool of everyone
A fool of everyone
A fool of everyone"

the easiest hardest decision.

2006-08-19T23:44:00.000+08:00

i've been stuck on this page for the past few days, wondering what i should blog.
no i don't want to blog about my personal life 'cause i don't think people are interested about reading about that.
i've stoned at this screen for like 5 minutes before closing the browser 'cause i really can't think of anything to blog.

anyways, thanks so much for reading my posts and giving your views about them.
well in the past, my posts are full of sarcasm and jokes, and i realised my posts have broken out of that particular shell and go into the next level.
it has deeper meaning right now, it's more about life and people's minds, from what i've experienced and observed.

the point is i really didn't know what to talk about recently 'cause i really want to explore the human mind more but i've done with my theories and all thus no inspiration.
but the movie i watched today, The Break Up, is food for thought.

the spark of the breakup was mainly the miscommunication between vince vaughn and jennifer aniston.
both of them expected one another to change, and they acted rashly, trying to force each other to give in, admit defeat and change their characteristics completely.
the point is, there was so much time when both of them could just got together in a room and talked things through, reflected on what they've done and reconciled.
but the human mind is never that perfect, they were so consumed by their own selfish actions that they neglected each other's feelings.
and when one party tries to intervene and change things for the better, the other would be blinded by the indirect yet obvious actions of the former's intentions.
up till the point of no return is where both parties finally realised what they've lost and gained - YES gained from the break up.
the human heart and mind are never that simple, whoever said they were simple?
what you've read in storybooks, watched on romantic movies with happy endings are all what we wished would happen - but they seldom do, and if they do, the route towards that would be long and painful.

why would i say all that? no, they are not spoilers for the movie as what i've revealed is just minimal. it's what i've thought about, what i've been through; what you would have been through as well.
though not to that context of the breakup but you get what i mean.
but it's definitely not the entire process but at some certain point of life, for example: quarrels, fights, breakups, destruction of relationships and friendships, all these must include at least one of those points listed above, if you were to reflect on it. that's right, think about it NOW.
i've been through those too, and recently, which is the worst part of my life, that's why i've gathered all these and stated them.

if something were to have happened, which was highly impossible, between us then,
from what i've thought through and reflected on, i think i would have lost all my friends.
there would be no more social life, no more circle of close friends, i would lose my dignity for the sake of you.
fortunately, i thank those who were there to show me the light.
i couldnt change you and i wouldnt blame myself; cause it would be you who would end up in the wrong way eventually. i tried to change your bad ways in which everybody really thinks are downright wrong and disgusting, but i failed, and now i think that there's no point of return for you anymore.
you choose your own route, and now i really don't give a damn anymore cause you didnt give a damn about my feelings.
thinking about it, this was probably the easiest hardest decision i've ever made.
change now, or never change. the latter i assume is your choice.
i shall be on my own from now on and lead my life without just revolving only around you.

Haley James Scott - Halo

"I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I give you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong,
I don't belong there.

One thing is clear, I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that's my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

One thing is clear, I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes I am something above you
It's only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a...
I wear a...
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear, I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you."

become.

2006-08-17T22:18:00.000+08:00

let this song be a follow up of my previous post. i've got really no mood to blog today.

Goo Goo Dolls - Become

"So much more about you that you never let them see
You turned away
But not to me
And I know how they tried to take you
Held you up and meant to break you down

But you can't be
For so long I tried to reach you
I know I'm almost there
I'm close enough for you to see

And you've been hiding in the shadows
Have you forgotten how we used to dream
Well let me remind you
The light doesn't blind you at all
It just helps you see
Can you see
Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful

And I can't be the stranger
That's been sleeping in your bed just
Turn around and come to me
and I feel all the pain inside
And everything you've been denied you feel
It's all you feel

You've been hiding in the shadows
Have you forgotten how we used to dream
Well let me remind you
The light doesn't blind you at all
It just helps you see
Can you see
Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful

Yeah you have become
Yeah you have become beautiful

Brush back your hair and look around you
Feeling like the truth has found you here
You're here with me
Let love become the mirror
With no fear where you're from,
now you have become
yeah you have become, beautiful."

the beauty of beauty.

2006-08-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

irregardless of what's happening around us, and in this context - me, i tend to look things on the superficial side. i admit it, and it's wrong to do so.

something got me thinking and i realised that beauty is definitely in the eyes of the beholder. everyone would definitely be attracted to the looks of the opposite gender at first, not concerned about the inner beauty of them. and yak yak yak here i go again with my theory but it is just so true.

after spending some time with friend, for some of them, their beauty start to emerge from within and YES, they've become much more beautiful than before. i mean, yea, to you i may be talking rubbish but that's really how i feel.

on the other hand, what you think beauty is may not always be true. i'm starting to feel that there is no outer beauty and it doesnt play any part at all in anyone's relationship. what we want is from inside of people, and how they present themselves to others which ultimately determines the degree of beauty of others. if someone looks good but their attitude sucks, it's just that from another perspective that you view them, they don't seem beautiful at all, instead they are hideous.

and i guess you would agree with me to some extent if you look deeper into how people act. my feelings were taken granted, i've been used and i've almost been stripped of my own dignity to the extent that i would even label myself as "blind"; through that period i've listened to no one and charged forward without much thought, until i realised i've always been taking the wrong route - the worst route i've ever taken in my life. when i wanted to turn back i couldnt and eventually i fell hard.

thank goodness i could pick myself up, and it's not just my effort too and i've became wiser than before. that's why, we should never let outer beauty take the better of our feelings. never ever. no matter what. if you lack inner beauty, change, you would be a better person than before and you would be much more beautiful to others than expected.

that my crappy long-winded theory of beauty. whether you choose to believe or not, it's up to you. it would be great if you take the right step and not be like me. i've already been there and already done that and it brought me nowhere; it got me nothing.

KT Tunstall - Other Side of the World

"Over the sea and far away
She's waiting like an Iceberg
Waiting to change,
But she's cold inside
She wants to be like the water.

All the muscles tighten in her face
Buries her soul in one embrace
They're one and the same just like water

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world to me

On comes the panic light
Holding on with fingersand feelings alike
But the time has come
To move along

Then the fire fades away
But most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world

Can you help me?
Can you let me go
And can you still love me
When you can't see me anymore

Then the fire fades away
most of everyday
Is full of tired excuses
But it's too hard to say
I wish it were simple
But we give up easily
You're close enough to see that
You're the other side of the world
Ohh the other side of the world
You're the other side of the world to me."

hardly real.

2006-08-15T19:48:00.000+08:00

i'm just in a foul mood now.
honestly speaking, i'm not someone who often bear grudges but if i do i would really want to kick that person in the ass.
take the western food stall aunty for example. i ordered 3 plates of chicken cutlet with minor changes; just because i was in a rush and i speaked kinda fast and she couldnt really catch what i said, when she put the fries onto the plate and i said i didnt want them, her freaking face turned black and totally attitude prob-ed me. she gave me HALF A CHICKEN CUTLET. pathetic and tiny little cutlet. i stared straight at her and at that moment i really wanted to demand for ONE chicken cutlet because what the hell? i paid 2.80 for that and she gave me half of what i paid for? i swear if she does that again, i would just throw 1.40 right in front of her face and tell her since she only gave me half, i'm gonna pay half.

right, you're reading till here and you might be wondering, why do i feel so pissed over such small matters? please, if you saw her face, i bet you wouldnt resist the urge but lean over the counter and punch her right in between her friggin eyes.

another thing, if i don't get appreciated for what i've done, then next time i won't bother. OH SURE, we SHOULDNT ALWAYS expect something in return for what we've done? yea right, if you're giving it all, your time and efforts, trying to help another person and all you get is nothing but foul attitude, what would you do? ask your conscience to find out. i'm just being myself, i'm not freaking bragging but i would always help my friends if they are in need because i feel that i owe it to them, but what, just trying to vend all the anger on me just for fun? screw that, i'm done with caring anymore; i won't take the extra step to really bother if i'm gonna get appreciated at all.

one more thing zhang, i'm in a bad mood now so no hard feelings, there is NOTHING already. please don't bullshit with me, what "deep down inside"? crap. just because i'm overreacting to defend myself ain't because i'm feeling like that again. of all people, for god's sake, you should know me best.

walked away.

other side of the world.

2006-08-14T22:25:00.000+08:00

recently, i've looked deeper into life and noticed that people around me, including myself, have fallen. now, there are different contexts to 'fallen'; but from what i've witnessed and experienced, there are those 2 major things which have occured to everyone which involves falling, and it's really simple:
1) Fallen in love.
2) Fallen and hurt emotionally.

Of course, number 1 option is the best that could happen to anyone, and it definitely happened between my friends, some of which were close to me and i think they've found "The One" in their lives, and i can offer nothing but happiness for them. number 2, on the other hand, kicks you in the butt so hard, life would really suck at these moments.

personally, you can say i've been really unlucky; i've experienced both numbers 1 and 2. sure, falling in love is a great thing, falling in and out of it + emotional trauma = everything sucks bad.
however, i've learned. I've learned from my own hellish accounts, words of wisdoms from friends and family to pick myself up. But that's not all.

picking myself up from the deepest pits of what i can call "grave" was really difficult. i faced countless obstacles, some of which affected others as well and i'm really sorry for hurting them. one can never go to school with a depressed mood and stoned face, i found that out a few days back. everyone who had tried to cheer me up failed and i knew i couldnt cheer up then. but from what i saw from a friend days ago was that he couldnt bring a smile to his face despite the fact that it was his birthday. what i saw was a reflection of myself - staring straight back at me coldly. we all tried to raise his spirits but to no avail. and i realised i can never let my emotions be the better of me, for it would spread like an epidemic to others dear to me.

that's lesson number 1. the second and most important lesson i've learned, which is probably life-altering, is being open-minded. Sure, you hear people claiming to be open-minded, are they really so? well some are, many are definitely not. because i've fallen into numbers 1 and 2 in one after the other, i began to realise that life is definitely much more beautiful and better if it doesnt only revolve around a person who is never going to play a significant role in my life. i took it hard to my body and soul, like a smack to my face, like a wake-up call. as such, i've not only told myself, but it has become part of me now to never fall easily again. whether it is in love or emotionally; i promise myself that. i would look - NO, i would search the deepest of my feelings if i were to suspect i'm going to fall in or fall down.

i am someone who take friendships seriously; relationships with a much more greater deal - maybe with my life. and i've became stronger so that nothing can cause me to take my own life away from me.

i think today's post really sums up everything i had in mind all the while after the fall out. no hard feelings. i proud to say that i'm open-minded now; though you can mock me for being such a weak person before, but everyone has their own weaknesses. remember that and remember hard. adieu.

Edwin Mccain - I'll Be

"The strands in your eyes, that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains, thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth

Tell me, that we belong together
Dress it up with the trippings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls, angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead

Tell me, that we belong together
Dress it up with the trippings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life

I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in turned on, remembered the thing you said

I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
The greatest fan of you life."

sweetest goodbye.

2006-08-07T23:31:00.000+08:00

NOTES TO SELF :
- Never ever allow my phone to commit suicide ever again.
- Try to never ever play soccer with my new shoes.

i conclude today becoming the busiest day of my life.
this is the first time i actually freaked out and nonsense just kept coming out of my mouth.
firstly, if there were to be a marathon in NJC, this is my proposed route:
Run from CA3 - Council Room - Hall - Canteen Extension - BYTES - Photocopying Room - Council Room - Canteen - Canteen Toilet(Male/Female ain't matter), then change to PE attire in lightning fast speed and finally end at the Linkway.
Oh wait, it's not the end yet, dance full out for 20 minutes then run to toilet again to change to track pants.
I SWEAR, lugging your school bag while doing this marathon, would definitely burn a whole lot of calories.

2 weeks are over; i'm really glad that i've really taken up this risky chance of doing it.
i succeeded though, and it can never be a one man effort. =)
i'm happy i can put the past behind me now and look forward to the future.
the bright, sunny future.
alrite gonna sleep soon, see you guys around!
i need a duet partner in order to do this song here, sweet romantic song! =D

Ronan Keating & LeAnn Rimes - Last Thing On My Mind

Ronan:
Four o'clock in the morning
My mind's filled with a thousand thoughts of you
And how you left without a warning
But looking back
I'm sure you tried to talk it through

LeAnn:
Now I see it clearly
We're together but living separate lives

Ronan:
So wanna tell you I'm sorry
Baby I can't find the words
But if I could, then you know I would, yeah

Ronan + LeAnn:
No I won't let you go, know what we can be
I won't watch my life, crashing down on me
Guess I had it all, right there before my eyes
Girl, I'm sorry now, you were the last thing on my mind

LeAnn:
You carried me like a river
How far we've come still surprises me

Ronan:
And now I look in the mirror
Staring back is the man
I used to be with you
How I long for you

Ronan + LeAnn:
No I won't let you go, know what we can be
I won't watch my life, crashing down on me
Guess I had it all, right there before my eyes
Girl, I'm sorry now, you were the last thing on my mind

Ronan:
Girl I'm sorry I was wrong
Could have been there
Should have been so strong
So I'm sorry, wooh

Ronan + LeAnn:
No I won't let you go, know what we can be
I won't watch my life, crashing down on me
Guess I had it all, right there before my eyes
Girl, I'm sorry now, you were the last thing on my mind

sunday morning.

2006-08-06T13:21:00.000+08:00

actually it's in the afternoon already.
i woke up late today so wasted the morning away.
i've changed the title of my blog; just let love in.
anyways i've added Somewhere Only We Know by Lifehouse audio into my blog but you have to increase the volume of your speakers 'cause it's a little soft.
i just love that song.

humid, sunny afternoon and i've got nothing to do.
well actually i do, homework; but what the hell?
yesterday was kinda great.
went to Festival of Praise (FoP) with Avril; and no, your singing is not horrible =P
the Christian City Church band was rocking!
they even got me singing together with them; and the atmosphere there was superb.
everyone was singing along with them, like a thousand voices echoing throughout the indoor stadium.
although it lasted like *counts fingers* 4 hours, but it was still a great experience.
though we were tired and weary after that it was definitely worth it! =D

i'm getting stronger everyday.
thanks to everyone around me!
i just can't stop emphasizing on thanking them all although it's never enough.
Ale, Ryan, Wenhao, Shaun, Ben, Zhang, Jo and basically EVERYONE who has lent a ear to me when i needed most.
moving on, braving storms.

Maroon 5 - Must Get Out

"I’ve been the needle and the thread
Weaving figure eights and circles round your head
I try to laugh but cry instead
Patiently wait to hear the words you’ve never said

Fumbling through your dresser door
forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you cry

I’m lifting you up
I’m letting you down
I’m dancing til dawn
I’m fooling around
I’m not giving up
I’m making your love
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out

This not goodbye she said
It is just time for me to rest my head
She does not walk she runs instead
Down these jagged streets and into my bed

Fumbling through your dresser door
forgot what I was looking for
Try to guide me in the right direction
Making use of all this time
Keeping everything inside
Close my eyes and listen to you cry

I’m lifting you up
I’m letting you down
I’m dancing til dawn
I’m fooling around
I’m not giving up
I’m making your love
This city’s made us crazy and we must get out

There’s only so much I can do for you
After all of the things you put me through.

I'm lifting you up
I'm letting you down
I'm dancing til dawn
I'm fooling around
I'm not giving up
I'm making your love
This city's made us crazy and we must get out."

saved the last dance.

2006-08-04T00:45:00.000+08:00

damn my blog seems so dead.
like no one comes and visit it.
except for the few people; thanks so much =)

can't stop listening to Somewhere Only We Know; it's such a sweet song.
i promise i'm gonna do a performance on it one day.
Basketball with s12 people today, very fun, though yea i sucked at it.
i don't know why but i feel like it's going to be a repeat of Sec 4 again.
it's not that i want to, but i'm so afraid to lose so many friends again.
i've slipped into depression then but i picked myself up.
i even lost some of my closest friends; the recurring memories still keep me awake at times.
i've met so many great people in NJC, but i think it's mainly because of me that causes the ruining of the friendships and stuffs.
i tend to talk too much, and sometimes words just slip out of mouth and before i know it it's too late and i'm being very insensitive towards people.
i've lost so much time already, so much given away; now i just want to cherish the moments i have with the people whom are dear to me.
please, if there's anything you guys think it sucks about me, just tell me.

i found myself about to slip back into the pit again.
i'm almost reaching the target, but it's feels as if a rope is trying to pull me back again.
i already promised them i will get through this;
so she said, "you can't just exorcise your feelings, you just have to deal with them."
i told her i was afraid. so damned afraid of getting hurt again.
she gave me 2 firm choices, though harsh and hard but so true, "If you want to keep the friendship, it's all or nothing; ALL being the pain and staying as friends, or just lose it all."
we both knew what choice i would make. typical me.

i saved the last dance.
for the one and only.
i promise and i swear
that it would be
the longest dance we would have.

this is my side of the story.

2006-08-03T23:16:00.000+08:00

I've been through really tough days.
esp. in my sec school and all.
i admit i lack the social skills then and had really bad experiences with friends.
there was this guy who used to be a great friend, now we treat as if neither of us existed.
please don't get me wrong or anything, but i'm so glad i've got really great buddies like Shaun, who i've known him for 10 years going into 11th.
then there's definitely Benny Boy, i could say, my jamming bud, my brother, my anger vending guy, my stand up comedian partner, my band member etc. Well when times were really down and when i suffered really bad relationships with the most influential guy in school, my life took a U-turn and i found myself lost.
No one, i swore, back then, understood or hardly knew my problem.
well i knew Ben since sec 1 since we used to play soccer together, but i always thought that i had been a burden to him when i confide in him.
but there's this really great and wonderful thing that he has, when i tell him about my sad sad life, he would immediately change the topic or get us to play soccer; anything to ease the pain and distract myself.
i can say, honestly, that without Ben, i might be dead, literally, now.
Thanks bro for the years, though short but would be forged in my mind for life.

Anyway this is not really the point of my post.
I've came up with this theory about my relationship with others;
it sounds really cheesy and lame to some of you but i feel that it totally works for me.
well, i think that we have a limited amount of relationship and love we can give and receive from friends.
i'm speaking up truly, that if i were to get really close to this friend of mine, my relationships with other friends would somehow detioriate; with the equal amount of love and care benig added or subtracted.
thus no one can exactly share very, very good relationships with ALL of their peers.
it's really complicated and maybe you might not understand what the hell i'm talking about now.
It's like, for example, i know friend A & B equally well.
then for some time, i would tend to spend more time with A and get to know him/her well.
after that however, my relationship with B would be quite bad after that and all.
i don't know, it's just how i think it is you know, how EQUAL yet UNFAIR the limited amount of love and care we could only give and receive.

stupid blood irritating cockroach disturbin me while i'm blogging now. argh
die !

in conclusion, i really don't want things to repeat itself from the past.
especially when it hurts.
moreover, if my social skills suck please tell me. i don't wanna make enemies for no reason.
i thank you so much for your time today.
whoo long post since eternity.
cya all real soon.

2006-08-01T18:36:00.000+08:00

Lifehouse - Somewhere Only We Know (Keane cover)

I've reposted this video cause the old one doesnt work anymore. listen to it and i promise you'll fall in love with the song. Enjoy~ =))

beautiful letdown.

2006-07-31T23:53:00.002+08:00

sam's words struck me like a vehicle.
she used "playing", and though it might just seem like a normal verb, it had so many different contexts to it and the one she meant it by was utmost downright negative.

one bumpy road in life i've got to go through, i thought.
but it ain't that.
now Ale knows what i've done wrong, and i know what i've done wrong and it's karma.
i feel like burying my head when i first told Ale about it.
i saw her face change and all; i don't blame her thinking of me as a downright bastard and i wished she just gave me a tight slap right at that moment.
i'm so sorry, please kill me Ale. i'm ridden with guilt.

anyway,
thank you so much for giving me that.
i can't face you right now i hope you understand.
it's just that i don't want to fall into the pit again
and i don't want to get hurt thrice.
it's never going to be like before.

Switchfoot - Twenty-Four

"Twenty-four oceans
Twenty-four skies
Twenty-four failures
And twenty-four tries
Twenty-four finds me
In twenty-fourth place
With twenty-four drop outs
At the end of the day

Life is not what I thought it was twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And I'm not who I thought I was twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'

There's twenty-four reasons
To admit that I'm wrong
With all my excuses still twenty-four strong
See, I'm not copping out
Not copping out, not copping out
When you're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh, I am the second man now

And you're raising these twenty-four voices
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies in twenty-four parts
But I want to be one today
Centered and true I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You'
You're raising the dead in me
Oh, oh I am the second man
Oh, oh I am the second man now
Oh I am the second man now

And you're raising the dead in me
Yeah I wanna see miracles
To see the world change
Wrestled the angel for more than a name
For more than a feeling
For more than a cause I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
And you're raising the dead in me

Twenty-four oceans
With twenty-four hearts
All of my symphonies with twenty-four parts
Life is not what I thought it was
Twenty-four hours ago
Still I'm singing 'Spirit, take me up in arms with You'
I'm not copping out
Not copping out."

felt the silence.

2006-07-30T00:20:00.001+08:00

just came home from ASEAN dance.
overall it rocked for the 1st half of the night.
but when it came to around 10 plus it kinda sucked.
special thanks to Mac, Christin, Zhang, Yoga, Wenhao and Alex
and really really BIG HUGS to Ale, Ryan and Avril!
without them my night would have be ruined.

i knew exactly what would happen right before it happened.
guess it's so damn predictable of you.
you know what? whatever.
it's not like you cared anyway
it wouldnt last anyway, the whole freaking universe knows it.
they said no pain, no gain;
but the pain i went through had no gain at all.

ahh felt bad for disturbing Ryan and gang the whole night.
stupid me.
always at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Goo Goo Dolls - Feel the Silence

"You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry
All you remember now
Is what you feel

The truth remains
In midnight conversations
I asked for this moment
But you turned away

Sad like a lonely child
Broken the day you're born
I held the light to you
But I was so vain

And you remain
A promise unfulfilled
I ask you for more
But you push me away

And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside us
Everything means more now than
Words could explain

And if we feel the silence
Leaving this all behind us
Looking for something more to say
I don't know where I'm going
Only know where I been
But you move through my soul like a hurricane wind
We've been so lost for so long
I don't know how to get back again
And we're drowning in the water
That flows under this bridge
When you're fighting the current
You forget how to live
And I wanted to reach you but I don't know where to begin
And you remain
A promise unfulfilled until today

And if we feel the silence
Holding this all inside us
Everything means more now than
Words could explain
And if we feel the silence
Leaving this all behind us
When it's gone what will you say
How do we hold on?

You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry."

vindicated``

2006-07-28T00:57:00.000+08:00

first of all, if you don't want something, just give it a clear and simple "NO"
it was never clear cut or direct
don't be a dick and beat around the bush;
it makes others feel kinda fucked up after that.

10 more days
going uphill now
just 2 more days to ASEAN dance whee!
can't wait for it.
All the scholars, wait,
and the non-scholars Avril and I are going!
going to be bankrupt soon, but the end of the month is near.

Keane - Somewhere Only We Know

"I walked across an empty land
I knew the pathway like the back of my hand
I felt the earth beneath my feet
Sat by the river and it made me complete

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

I came across a fallen tree
I felt the branches of it looking at me
Is this the place we used to love?
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?

Oh simple thing where have you gone
I'm getting old and I need something to rely on
So tell me when you're gonna let me in
I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin

So if you have a minute why don't we go
Talk about it somewhere only we know?
This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
So why don't we go

This could be the end of everything
So why don't we go
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know?
Somewhere only we know? "

criss-cut.

2006-07-25T21:11:00.000+08:00

6 months were great.
the memories i had would last forever.
of course, there were good times and bad times;
but most of the time the bad stuff would be forgotten.
i would just lock these memories up
in some small compartment of my heart.
when years go by, when i open the doors to this;
i would look back what wrong i did, what feelings were struck.
i guess you'll never regret the things that you've done;
and i'll never forget the fun in the sun.
12 more days to go and i'm doing fine right now
all thanks to everyone!

Band name creating was so much fun today. We did our song a few times and it rocked real great. but Chriselle got herself quite high and started to lean on Kat, jumping around like a maniac etc. YIKES haha. then we thought of our band names, one wonderful one was Swashbucklin' Adventure. sounds very very pirate-y but it is damn catchy and great. we intend to like change our band name to that if we were to get in the finals for Battle of the Bands! speaking of that, we shall be performing tmr at LT5 at 4.30pm! so come down if you're reading this now. and i mean it wahaha.

Green Day - Wake Me Up When September Ends

"Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my fathers come to pass
seven years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

summer has come and passed
the innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

ring out the bells again
like we did when spring began
wake me up when september ends
here comes the rain again
falling from the stars
drenched in my pain again
becoming who we are

as my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost
wake me up when september ends

Summer has come and passed
The innocent can never last
wake me up when september ends

like my father's come to pass
twenty years has gone so fast
wake me up when september ends."

artificial smile.

2006-07-24T20:05:00.000+08:00

is what i wore on today.
'if you love someone, you've got to learn to let them go.
if that special someone returns, it means they're the one meant for you;
but if they don't then they're not meant to be.'
desperation leads to self-crumble - that's what i learnt today.
sure i fell down and hard.
but there were always people there to pick me up when i fall.
Ben, Ale, Ryan, Wenhao, Jo, Yun, Bae, Jingan, Sen, Sasha and the list goes on.
i can't stop thanking you guys for your time spent on me.
"2 weeks" said Ryan, "if you can go through 2 weeks, you're done."
i assured him that i could make it through.

She's got a pretty smile,
it covers up the poison that she hides.
She walks around in circles in my head,
waiting for a chance to break me, a chance to take me down.

Only One by Lifehouse. The song of my life. The song of Ben's life as well.

I guess you're the only one
that nobody changes.

I can't stop thinking about this song, how it replays my life. how it replays lots of people's lives.

It's all confusingly amusing,
bitter and tainted; the picture you painted to me.

sorry about the last post, it's all impulsive. without those people mentioned above, i wouldnt be in a calm and sane state right now.

still can't get it out of my mind,
I've tried to find myself in approval;
I've already been there, already done that
but it got me nowhere, it brought me nothing.
I guess you're the only one that nobody changes;
I guess you're the only one who will never change faces.
I guess....

don't you worry guys. i think i'll be fine - i THINK. for the time being.

blank

2006-07-24T00:38:00.000+08:00

first of all: FUCK LIFE.
there has no such time in my life when i actually hate myself.
i hate myself. i really do.
Only One by Lifehouse totally fits into my scenario now.
what was last night's dreams has turned into tonight's worst nightmare.
i swear it was game over before then i threw more coins into the machine; and now i'm being thrashed by the machine again.
up to this point for those who are reading : I'm not fucking okay.

i feel so much like dying(not committing suicide).
Ripped. Torn. Broken. Fallen.
i kept myself going. i tried to.
now what is left of me is almost nothing.
i choose to hold on it's a decision i made solely by myself despite the external factors telling me not to.
once bitten, twice shy. i choose not to follow this quote and i get shit back.
i wish i would just fucking disappear from this world. never to return.
all the emotional bullshit has been gone.
i'll never be the old side of me anymore.
i'll never see myself the same way.
i'll never get to smile as broadly as before.
if there's a god would he please pick me up?

i turning almost everything into hate right now i need a break.
still, millions of thanks to Ale, Wenhao, Ben, Jo and those out there always supportive of me and keeping me from falling.
Thanks for the rope Ben, though it's gonna snap soon.
i'm either gonna make or break, though the latter seems so right now.
i'm so sorry for the troubles i've caused.

Darius - Live Twice

"Don't leave now
Not yet
There are words I
Regret
And I'm sorry
Somehow
I only
Wanted to make you proud

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice

When you told me
I froze
It still echoes
In my soul
Please forgive me
If I didn't say
I love you
Every single day

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice

Nobody told me we'd only get one chance
I didn't know that our tide would turn so fast
Why we have to say goodbye I don't understand

If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice

I could not let it pass me by
Nothing I give to sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
We'll meet in another life
If only we could live twice"