Monday, July 24, 2006
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first of all: FUCK LIFE.
there has no such time in my life when i actually hate myself.
i hate myself. i really do.
Only One by Lifehouse totally fits into my scenario now.
what was last night's dreams has turned into tonight's worst nightmare.
i swear it was game over before then i threw more coins into the machine; and now i'm being thrashed by the machine again.
up to this point for those who are reading : I'm not fucking okay.
i feel so much like dying(not committing suicide).
Ripped. Torn. Broken. Fallen.
i kept myself going. i tried to.
now what is left of me is almost nothing.
i choose to hold on it's a decision i made solely by myself despite the external factors telling me not to.
once bitten, twice shy. i choose not to follow this quote and i get shit back.
i wish i would just fucking disappear from this world. never to return.
all the emotional bullshit has been gone.
i'll never be the old side of me anymore.
i'll never see myself the same way.
i'll never get to smile as broadly as before.
if there's a god would he please pick me up?
i turning almost everything into hate right now i need a break.
still, millions of thanks to Ale, Wenhao, Ben, Jo and those out there always supportive of me and keeping me from falling.
Thanks for the rope Ben, though it's gonna snap soon.
i'm either gonna make or break, though the latter seems so right now.
i'm so sorry for the troubles i've caused.
Darius - Live Twice
"Don't leave now
Not yet
There are words I
Regret
And I'm sorry
Somehow
I only
Wanted to make you proud
If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
When you told me
I froze
It still echoes
In my soul
Please forgive me
If I didn't say
I love you
Every single day
If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
Nobody told me we'd only get one chance
I didn't know that our tide would turn so fast
Why we have to say goodbye I don't understand
If I could only let you know
I'd give up everything I own
For just one more day with you
There's nothing I wouldn't do
I could not let it pass me by
If I make every sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
I could not let it pass me by
Nothing I give to sacrifice
To bring me back your love
If only we could live twice
If only we could live twice
We'll meet in another life
If only we could live twice"