Saturday, August 19, 2006

the easiest hardest decision.

i've been stuck on this page for the past few days, wondering what i should blog.
no i don't want to blog about my personal life 'cause i don't think people are interested about reading about that.
i've stoned at this screen for like 5 minutes before closing the browser 'cause i really can't think of anything to blog.

anyways, thanks so much for reading my posts and giving your views about them.
well in the past, my posts are full of sarcasm and jokes, and i realised my posts have broken out of that particular shell and go into the next level.
it has deeper meaning right now, it's more about life and people's minds, from what i've experienced and observed.

the point is i really didn't know what to talk about recently 'cause i really want to explore the human mind more but i've done with my theories and all thus no inspiration.
but the movie i watched today, The Break Up, is food for thought.

the spark of the breakup was mainly the miscommunication between vince vaughn and jennifer aniston.
both of them expected one another to change, and they acted rashly, trying to force each other to give in, admit defeat and change their characteristics completely.
the point is, there was so much time when both of them could just got together in a room and talked things through, reflected on what they've done and reconciled.
but the human mind is never that perfect, they were so consumed by their own selfish actions that they neglected each other's feelings.
and when one party tries to intervene and change things for the better, the other would be blinded by the indirect yet obvious actions of the former's intentions.
up till the point of no return is where both parties finally realised what they've lost and gained - YES gained from the break up.
the human heart and mind are never that simple, whoever said they were simple?
what you've read in storybooks, watched on romantic movies with happy endings are all what we wished would happen - but they seldom do, and if they do, the route towards that would be long and painful.

why would i say all that? no, they are not spoilers for the movie as what i've revealed is just minimal. it's what i've thought about, what i've been through; what you would have been through as well.
though not to that context of the breakup but you get what i mean.
but it's definitely not the entire process but at some certain point of life, for example: quarrels, fights, breakups, destruction of relationships and friendships, all these must include at least one of those points listed above, if you were to reflect on it. that's right, think about it NOW.
i've been through those too, and recently, which is the worst part of my life, that's why i've gathered all these and stated them.

if something were to have happened, which was highly impossible, between us then,
from what i've thought through and reflected on, i think i would have lost all my friends.
there would be no more social life, no more circle of close friends, i would lose my dignity for the sake of you.
fortunately, i thank those who were there to show me the light.
i couldnt change you and i wouldnt blame myself; cause it would be you who would end up in the wrong way eventually. i tried to change your bad ways in which everybody really thinks are downright wrong and disgusting, but i failed, and now i think that there's no point of return for you anymore.
you choose your own route, and now i really don't give a damn anymore cause you didnt give a damn about my feelings.
thinking about it, this was probably the easiest hardest decision i've ever made.
change now, or never change. the latter i assume is your choice.
i shall be on my own from now on and lead my life without just revolving only around you.

Haley James Scott - Halo

"I never promised you a ray of light,
I never promised there'd be sunshine everyday,
I give you everything I have, the good, the bad.
Why do you put me on a pedestal,
I'm so up high that I can't see the ground below,
So help me down you've got it wrong,
I don't belong there.

One thing is clear, I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

I always said that I would make mistakes,
I'm only human, and that's my saving grace,
I fall as hard as I try
So don't be blinded
See me as I really am, I have flaws and sometimes I even sin,
so pull me from that pedestal,
I don't belong there.

One thing is clear, I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you

Why you think that you know me
But In your eyes I am something above you
It's only in your mind
Only in your mind
I wear a...
I wear a...
I wear a Halo

One thing is clear, I wear a halo,
I wear a halo when you look at me,
But standing from here, you wouldn't say so
You wouldn't say so, if you were me
And I, I just wanna love you,
Oh oh I, I just wanna love you."