Monday, August 14, 2006
other side of the world.
recently, i've looked deeper into life and noticed that people around me, including myself, have fallen. now, there are different contexts to 'fallen'; but from what i've witnessed and experienced, there are those 2 major things which have occured to everyone which involves falling, and it's really simple:
1) Fallen in love.
2) Fallen and hurt emotionally.
Of course, number 1 option is the best that could happen to anyone, and it definitely happened between my friends, some of which were close to me and i think they've found "The One" in their lives, and i can offer nothing but happiness for them. number 2, on the other hand, kicks you in the butt so hard, life would really suck at these moments.
personally, you can say i've been really unlucky; i've experienced both numbers 1 and 2. sure, falling in love is a great thing, falling in and out of it + emotional trauma = everything sucks bad.
however, i've learned. I've learned from my own hellish accounts, words of wisdoms from friends and family to pick myself up. But that's not all.
picking myself up from the deepest pits of what i can call "grave" was really difficult. i faced countless obstacles, some of which affected others as well and i'm really sorry for hurting them. one can never go to school with a depressed mood and stoned face, i found that out a few days back. everyone who had tried to cheer me up failed and i knew i couldnt cheer up then. but from what i saw from a friend days ago was that he couldnt bring a smile to his face despite the fact that it was his birthday. what i saw was a reflection of myself - staring straight back at me coldly. we all tried to raise his spirits but to no avail. and i realised i can never let my emotions be the better of me, for it would spread like an epidemic to others dear to me.
that's lesson number 1. the second and most important lesson i've learned, which is probably life-altering, is being open-minded. Sure, you hear people claiming to be open-minded, are they really so? well some are, many are definitely not. because i've fallen into numbers 1 and 2 in one after the other, i began to realise that life is definitely much more beautiful and better if it doesnt only revolve around a person who is never going to play a significant role in my life. i took it hard to my body and soul, like a smack to my face, like a wake-up call. as such, i've not only told myself, but it has become part of me now to never fall easily again. whether it is in love or emotionally; i promise myself that. i would look - NO, i would search the deepest of my feelings if i were to suspect i'm going to fall in or fall down.
i am someone who take friendships seriously; relationships with a much more greater deal - maybe with my life. and i've became stronger so that nothing can cause me to take my own life away from me.
i think today's post really sums up everything i had in mind all the while after the fall out. no hard feelings. i proud to say that i'm open-minded now; though you can mock me for being such a weak person before, but everyone has their own weaknesses. remember that and remember hard. adieu.
Edwin Mccain - I'll Be
"The strands in your eyes, that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains, thrust towards the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me, that we belong together
Dress it up with the trippings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
Rain falls, angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You're my survival, you're my living proof
My love is alive and not dead
Tell me, that we belong together
Dress it up with the trippings of love
I'll be captivated, I'll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
I've dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in turned on, remembered the thing you said
I'll be your crying shoulder
I'll be love's suicide
I'll be better when I'm older
I'll be the greatest fan of your life
The greatest fan of you life."