Thursday, August 03, 2006

this is my side of the story.

I've been through really tough days.
esp. in my sec school and all.
i admit i lack the social skills then and had really bad experiences with friends.
there was this guy who used to be a great friend, now we treat as if neither of us existed.
please don't get me wrong or anything, but i'm so glad i've got really great buddies like Shaun, who i've known him for 10 years going into 11th.
then there's definitely Benny Boy, i could say, my jamming bud, my brother, my anger vending guy, my stand up comedian partner, my band member etc. Well when times were really down and when i suffered really bad relationships with the most influential guy in school, my life took a U-turn and i found myself lost.
No one, i swore, back then, understood or hardly knew my problem.
well i knew Ben since sec 1 since we used to play soccer together, but i always thought that i had been a burden to him when i confide in him.
but there's this really great and wonderful thing that he has, when i tell him about my sad sad life, he would immediately change the topic or get us to play soccer; anything to ease the pain and distract myself.
i can say, honestly, that without Ben, i might be dead, literally, now.
Thanks bro for the years, though short but would be forged in my mind for life.

Anyway this is not really the point of my post.
I've came up with this theory about my relationship with others;
it sounds really cheesy and lame to some of you but i feel that it totally works for me.
well, i think that we have a limited amount of relationship and love we can give and receive from friends.
i'm speaking up truly, that if i were to get really close to this friend of mine, my relationships with other friends would somehow detioriate; with the equal amount of love and care benig added or subtracted.
thus no one can exactly share very, very good relationships with ALL of their peers.
it's really complicated and maybe you might not understand what the hell i'm talking about now.
It's like, for example, i know friend A & B equally well.
then for some time, i would tend to spend more time with A and get to know him/her well.
after that however, my relationship with B would be quite bad after that and all.
i don't know, it's just how i think it is you know, how EQUAL yet UNFAIR the limited amount of love and care we could only give and receive.

stupid blood irritating cockroach disturbin me while i'm blogging now. argh
die !

in conclusion, i really don't want things to repeat itself from the past.
especially when it hurts.
moreover, if my social skills suck please tell me. i don't wanna make enemies for no reason.
i thank you so much for your time today.
whoo long post since eternity.
cya all real soon.