Wednesday, May 09, 2007

alright! 'nuff with the excuses, whether or not blog is screwed up again, i'm still going to post.
yes sorry for taking such a long time to post, mostly because i've been lazy, but still at least i'm making the effort to do so now!
thanks to those who constantly kept my blog alive, i really appreciate it.
it's been a particularly hectic week of dancing, working and THINKING.
i can't even really prioritise which ones goes first.
sorry to those whom i scared that day (FRIDAY), during streetfest practice; didn't really expected myself to lose my head, been kind of impatient that day.
i think it's best that i thank my friends who constantly kept me going, especially ben, zhang, wenhao and ale who always have to keep up with my anger and frustrations.
they must be the most patient people in the world, well at least to me.

and i wonder how i got so injury-prone recently.
just within a few days, i could have broke a bone or lost the ability to permanently dance, however, i've been so damned lucky to escape with no more than some bruises and traumas.
NOW i've fallen ill again, wth man, down with a bad nose and body full of aches.
yesterday i felt like i was made of jelly,
i knew i couldn't go full-out, and i didn't.
but still i couldn't even mark out the steps properly. DAMNIT.
haven't felt like this since who knows when, 'cause i don't even bloody remember.
to all the dancers, thank you for constantly reminding me to drink loads of water and have rest, i've been doing that alot today.

it's hard to view something on another perspective, especially when you know that that thing is true which you want to avoid so much.
but i just had to, in order to get myself out of it such that i won't get mindless thoughts over it again.
i've been particularly frustrated and down over it, which contributes to why i've been a much more short-tempered person than usual.
to keep my mind off it is to avoid the it, yet to think about is just as equally worse.
the best(only) thing i could do was take and accept the truth with full force; and i did just that.
painfully but surely, i came to a self-realisation that sometimes i have to loosen my grip over things i know i cannot control.
as i would like to put the situation in scenarios, it's like i'm lying out in the winter for so long, shivering from the cold without much protection from the bitterness, and i can't do anything about it, yet there's someone who would constantly just check whether i'm dead already or not and just leaving if i'm not.
but i know i have to accept that if i close my eyes and just don't think about the coldness, i would be okay as there would be someone or something to come by give me shelter.
just exactly how i should also accept that looking into a pair of eyes which seem to avoid the past, i must also bury the past yet not look into the future.
ironic as it sounds, i know i'll be okay, but i'm not being optimistic either.

g'day to all.
seeya soon.

















Can you please, remind me how you feel?
This emptiness is real, I can't bear the thought of it.
and please, remind me how to smile, I lost track after awhile.
Is happiness so hard to get?

I didn't know, that time could move so slow,
when you've got nowhere to go, the silence is so deafening.
Waking up, on the wrong side of your mind.
How could I have been so blind, to see I'm losing everything?